New post coming soon. Life updates.
Lessons learned.
Self-Awareness.
True compassion for others...even when it hurts like motherfackah
Fun job updates :)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Fortune's Wheel
Dear Mom,
Today I am going to write about some of the lessons, self reflections, and other odd topics on my mind since the last post/rant. I have learned that Fortune's Wheel sometimes turns extremely slowly and that everyone, yes everyone, has their time at the very bottom and the very top of that big bad boy. Patiently waiting for the Wheel to budge and pull you upward again is the hardest, but most crucial feat to accomplish. (*Note: I am not saying that life is all about things happening to you, I work and I work hard alllll the time, but sometimes you just can't "win" no matter how hard you work/ much effort is put forth) Once you can truly and honestly learn to accept what you cannot change and somehow find enough peace to sleep at night and find pleasurable moments in your day, then you have accomplished the feat I am making reference to above. So, what has happened now that I'm no longer dragging my toes along the gritty bottom of the Wheel, you ask? A few things!
First and foremost, Cerrita's health is on the up turn. Fewer medications, restless nights, pain has greatly decreased, and docs and nurses have been amazing since we learned a little more about the medical field, ranks, and insurance regulations, etc. I am truly thankful to our local pharmacist who answered at least 5-10 questions per visit for Cerrita and I, and I am also most thankful to her primary care Doctor ...she is smart, organized, creative, and easy to relate to...holy did we get lucky!
Second, I found a second job after looking and applying and interviewing diligently for about 2 months. I work at a great deli (it is a Franchise chain is all I will say on here) and am really loving it.**
Cerrita found a new, better, less-stressful, job and is slowly but surely jumping back into "the world" after her body went through a lot and the previous job as a service advisor at that specific location was not working out (for mind, soul OR body). She is killin' it and I am proud of her drive and desire to not only contribute to our household finances, but for her desire to accomplish something everyday and still be true to herself and her own needs. this balance has always been something that is difficult for her. I am by no means a master of this in my own universe, but I commend and appreciate her for her efforts and success in this area.
Third, I have been loosing weight like a mad woman and not even trying. OK, I lied a little...I'm trying but not that hard. No i don't have a tape worm, no i am not starving myself, and no its not some starvation unsustainable "diet." I have taken up what is called The Paleo Diet. I don't call it a diet, I call it a nutrition change because that is truly what it is at its core. I did extensive reading on the logic and rationale behind this "diet" and you should too! Here is why: I eat more on a daily basis than I ever have, yes more; I have natural energy all day (and often work 14 hrs in a day between the two jobs ) and never crash; I feel good. I just feel like I've always wanted to feel...the way I've explained it to friends and to Cerrita is that I feel almost like each day I get a sense of "welcome to your life, have a great day" washes over me. Haha...too much time in the Mts makes me a hippie I guess. Oh well. Anyway. I no longer eat processed foods, dairy, or grains. I eat a TON of lean meats, veggies, fruits, some nuts here and there, and eggs from time to time. Water is the name of the game, but I still allow myself morning black coffee and 1 "non-Paleo" meal a week. I've dropped 6 lbs in a week BY EATING and EATING A LOT OF FOOD! I won't go on and on, I'll just say that I've learned about my body and food so...if you want to drop lbs or want to try a natural route to energy, read about Paleo, and give it a shot.
**I left those stars there so that I would remember to make a life note. Earlier in this blog I mentioned that I was thinking about opening my own restaurant in Colo. Spgs. I still would LOVE LOVE LOVE to do that someday, but a good friend suggested just getting any job at a restaurant and learning as much as possible. So even though I', working at a franchise chain, I'm learning the basics of the bizzz and loving it. I'm already being groomed for shift manager and will get the official title in a few days after I can prove that I know the ropes of management!!! Do I want to teach? yes. Am going to pigeon-hole myself into one single career path when I've got this great opportunity in my hands and am already advancing up through the ranks? NO WAY. Right now I am working to pay off my own student loans, help with household finances, and to soak up as much info as possible about restaurants and good customer service in this new field. I am still getting all my teaching ducks in a row, but if it turns out that the restaurant track is for me...I'll probably pursue it. Test scores are good for 3-5 years. I can and will always be able to jump into teaching. I am extremely happy with this second job that is turning out to be so much more.
So there you have it...finally a "my life is looking up" post, my girl and I are doing all right, I am happy and less stressed once again and looking forward to the future. Lots of lessons, I can tell I'm getting older, hopefully wiser...possibly even sexier with age ;)
I love you and miss you and talk about you all the time.
Love always,
Ashley
Today I am going to write about some of the lessons, self reflections, and other odd topics on my mind since the last post/rant. I have learned that Fortune's Wheel sometimes turns extremely slowly and that everyone, yes everyone, has their time at the very bottom and the very top of that big bad boy. Patiently waiting for the Wheel to budge and pull you upward again is the hardest, but most crucial feat to accomplish. (*Note: I am not saying that life is all about things happening to you, I work and I work hard alllll the time, but sometimes you just can't "win" no matter how hard you work/ much effort is put forth) Once you can truly and honestly learn to accept what you cannot change and somehow find enough peace to sleep at night and find pleasurable moments in your day, then you have accomplished the feat I am making reference to above. So, what has happened now that I'm no longer dragging my toes along the gritty bottom of the Wheel, you ask? A few things!
First and foremost, Cerrita's health is on the up turn. Fewer medications, restless nights, pain has greatly decreased, and docs and nurses have been amazing since we learned a little more about the medical field, ranks, and insurance regulations, etc. I am truly thankful to our local pharmacist who answered at least 5-10 questions per visit for Cerrita and I, and I am also most thankful to her primary care Doctor ...she is smart, organized, creative, and easy to relate to...holy did we get lucky!
Second, I found a second job after looking and applying and interviewing diligently for about 2 months. I work at a great deli (it is a Franchise chain is all I will say on here) and am really loving it.**
Cerrita found a new, better, less-stressful, job and is slowly but surely jumping back into "the world" after her body went through a lot and the previous job as a service advisor at that specific location was not working out (for mind, soul OR body). She is killin' it and I am proud of her drive and desire to not only contribute to our household finances, but for her desire to accomplish something everyday and still be true to herself and her own needs. this balance has always been something that is difficult for her. I am by no means a master of this in my own universe, but I commend and appreciate her for her efforts and success in this area.
Third, I have been loosing weight like a mad woman and not even trying. OK, I lied a little...I'm trying but not that hard. No i don't have a tape worm, no i am not starving myself, and no its not some starvation unsustainable "diet." I have taken up what is called The Paleo Diet. I don't call it a diet, I call it a nutrition change because that is truly what it is at its core. I did extensive reading on the logic and rationale behind this "diet" and you should too! Here is why: I eat more on a daily basis than I ever have, yes more; I have natural energy all day (and often work 14 hrs in a day between the two jobs ) and never crash; I feel good. I just feel like I've always wanted to feel...the way I've explained it to friends and to Cerrita is that I feel almost like each day I get a sense of "welcome to your life, have a great day" washes over me. Haha...too much time in the Mts makes me a hippie I guess. Oh well. Anyway. I no longer eat processed foods, dairy, or grains. I eat a TON of lean meats, veggies, fruits, some nuts here and there, and eggs from time to time. Water is the name of the game, but I still allow myself morning black coffee and 1 "non-Paleo" meal a week. I've dropped 6 lbs in a week BY EATING and EATING A LOT OF FOOD! I won't go on and on, I'll just say that I've learned about my body and food so...if you want to drop lbs or want to try a natural route to energy, read about Paleo, and give it a shot.
**I left those stars there so that I would remember to make a life note. Earlier in this blog I mentioned that I was thinking about opening my own restaurant in Colo. Spgs. I still would LOVE LOVE LOVE to do that someday, but a good friend suggested just getting any job at a restaurant and learning as much as possible. So even though I', working at a franchise chain, I'm learning the basics of the bizzz and loving it. I'm already being groomed for shift manager and will get the official title in a few days after I can prove that I know the ropes of management!!! Do I want to teach? yes. Am going to pigeon-hole myself into one single career path when I've got this great opportunity in my hands and am already advancing up through the ranks? NO WAY. Right now I am working to pay off my own student loans, help with household finances, and to soak up as much info as possible about restaurants and good customer service in this new field. I am still getting all my teaching ducks in a row, but if it turns out that the restaurant track is for me...I'll probably pursue it. Test scores are good for 3-5 years. I can and will always be able to jump into teaching. I am extremely happy with this second job that is turning out to be so much more.
So there you have it...finally a "my life is looking up" post, my girl and I are doing all right, I am happy and less stressed once again and looking forward to the future. Lots of lessons, I can tell I'm getting older, hopefully wiser...possibly even sexier with age ;)
I love you and miss you and talk about you all the time.
Love always,
Ashley
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Now I Understand the Intro Song to Friends
Dear Mom,
Today, I realized that I can now fully, or more than before this July, appreciate the lyric "I'll be there for you, even if its not your day, your month, or even your year" from the intro song for the 90's show "Friends." All I can say is...well, fuck. July.
Epic wildfires, 12 day Hospital stays, and a movie theather shooting. WTF is with this month?! It has definitely NOT been my day, week or month...please god, yahweh, buddha, higher cosmic powers that be...don't let it extend to a year!
Colorado, and most of the West, has burned (and continues to burn in some areas) some of the greatest wildfires in ten years. In my new home, Colorado Springs, there was the greatest fire the state had seen this year and in the past ten years since the Hamen fire. I literally drove along I-25 and watch flames licking at the sky from the hillside. One hundred foot tall flames. The hillside I've recently hiked. The hillside where a co-worker lives. The city looked like the lovechild of Armageddeon and a military coup. Helicopters, planes, police, national guard, firefighters, state troopers, the Governor and mayor, national forest service personnel--all of these people came to be the only familiar and only comforting faces on tv, in public, on streets, and over the radio. Smoke blotted out the sun--even changed the weather pattern originally coming in pre-fire for the city--and served as a constant and stark reminder of the serisouness of the blazing hillside and ever changing wind gusts. The blaze started in June and lasted into early July. Days felt like months, weeks felt like years...but my new home pulled together, supported residents, firefighters, and volunteer groups and individuals with warmth, compassion, donations of time, money, food and shelter for pets and people. everyone was weary and stressed, but truly held onto hope and positivity. I am so proud to have a such a strong community surrounding me.
Mid way through July...Cerrita calls me from work and informs that she doesn't have the heartburn we thought she had this morning at 4 am, rather it is quite serious, what it is she doesn't know, but her boss is driving her to the ER and she will call me from there or have him call me. The nurse she spoke to via Ask-A-Nurse said it sounded like classic symptoms for a heart attack. Eff! my love! Panic sweeps over my inside3s while my outsides struggle to keep the smile glowing and the goosebumps from growing at work. NUmerous calls to and from co worker/friends and her boss and I finally coulsn't take it and leaft work early to be with her. i want information from the docs mouth into my ears. I am thankful to her friends and boss for not letting her be alone during that scary time, but I needed to be there for her and well frankly, for myself, too.
The ER docs and techs and RNs etc couldn't figure out what was wrong, but knew something major was going on because of the X-Rays. The issue quickyl became not if or what the problem was but, why and how it got there to begin with and so suddenly. Well, after 12 days, 2 ct scans, a scope of her esophagus, numerous chest x-rays, some barium swallow tests, and a boat load of bloodwork the red cross would be impressed by....a diagnosis. I am not going to reveal the name or even the nature. I will simply say that we are changing our lives a lot and living and learning, in a VERY healthy way, as we go through each day. I'll tell you, and it brings tears of joy, pain, stress, and love to my eyes as I think about it...12 days and about 6-8 of them in a state of silent fear and panic that the love of your life will remain a medical mystery to 6 VERY qualified doctors is a bonding experience of a lifetime. We leraned a lot about needs, affection, true compassion, and above all unconditional love. I am very anxious, very hopeful, but above all very proud of my girl and myself for getting through the roughest part of it all. Steady progress has been made since leaving the hospital only a few days ago.
Aurora, CO...I don't even know where to begin, other than what a slap in the face after already having an open wound personally. I love my new state (I miss my original one, often) and was in shock to hear yet another "record breaking news story" come blaring over the radio and television that fateful Friday. I haven't yet taken the time to form an opinion about the whole thing other than the fact that I am still firmly anti-violence...so much so that I may become a buddhist. Not really...well not yet at least.
I still hope to go back to teaching, there is no way it will or can work out for this fall--perhaps for the spring--but i now know my city, my state, and my self a lot better and will...I WILL...attack and become a gainfully employed teacher in 2013. Cerrita's health is a priority at the moment and I don't really mind living life a day at a time. Yes, I want to make changes in the world, help people, better myself and be challenged and passionate about a cause. For now...my cause is my personal life, and, isn't successfully living each day with a loved one a great enough cause? I think so. So i'm doing it...until I have time and energy for another cause.
All my love and as much as ever, I really miss you Mom...holy cow do I appreciate good RNs EVEN MORE now ;)
Ashley
Today, I realized that I can now fully, or more than before this July, appreciate the lyric "I'll be there for you, even if its not your day, your month, or even your year" from the intro song for the 90's show "Friends." All I can say is...well, fuck. July.
Epic wildfires, 12 day Hospital stays, and a movie theather shooting. WTF is with this month?! It has definitely NOT been my day, week or month...please god, yahweh, buddha, higher cosmic powers that be...don't let it extend to a year!
Colorado, and most of the West, has burned (and continues to burn in some areas) some of the greatest wildfires in ten years. In my new home, Colorado Springs, there was the greatest fire the state had seen this year and in the past ten years since the Hamen fire. I literally drove along I-25 and watch flames licking at the sky from the hillside. One hundred foot tall flames. The hillside I've recently hiked. The hillside where a co-worker lives. The city looked like the lovechild of Armageddeon and a military coup. Helicopters, planes, police, national guard, firefighters, state troopers, the Governor and mayor, national forest service personnel--all of these people came to be the only familiar and only comforting faces on tv, in public, on streets, and over the radio. Smoke blotted out the sun--even changed the weather pattern originally coming in pre-fire for the city--and served as a constant and stark reminder of the serisouness of the blazing hillside and ever changing wind gusts. The blaze started in June and lasted into early July. Days felt like months, weeks felt like years...but my new home pulled together, supported residents, firefighters, and volunteer groups and individuals with warmth, compassion, donations of time, money, food and shelter for pets and people. everyone was weary and stressed, but truly held onto hope and positivity. I am so proud to have a such a strong community surrounding me.
Mid way through July...Cerrita calls me from work and informs that she doesn't have the heartburn we thought she had this morning at 4 am, rather it is quite serious, what it is she doesn't know, but her boss is driving her to the ER and she will call me from there or have him call me. The nurse she spoke to via Ask-A-Nurse said it sounded like classic symptoms for a heart attack. Eff! my love! Panic sweeps over my inside3s while my outsides struggle to keep the smile glowing and the goosebumps from growing at work. NUmerous calls to and from co worker/friends and her boss and I finally coulsn't take it and leaft work early to be with her. i want information from the docs mouth into my ears. I am thankful to her friends and boss for not letting her be alone during that scary time, but I needed to be there for her and well frankly, for myself, too.
The ER docs and techs and RNs etc couldn't figure out what was wrong, but knew something major was going on because of the X-Rays. The issue quickyl became not if or what the problem was but, why and how it got there to begin with and so suddenly. Well, after 12 days, 2 ct scans, a scope of her esophagus, numerous chest x-rays, some barium swallow tests, and a boat load of bloodwork the red cross would be impressed by....a diagnosis. I am not going to reveal the name or even the nature. I will simply say that we are changing our lives a lot and living and learning, in a VERY healthy way, as we go through each day. I'll tell you, and it brings tears of joy, pain, stress, and love to my eyes as I think about it...12 days and about 6-8 of them in a state of silent fear and panic that the love of your life will remain a medical mystery to 6 VERY qualified doctors is a bonding experience of a lifetime. We leraned a lot about needs, affection, true compassion, and above all unconditional love. I am very anxious, very hopeful, but above all very proud of my girl and myself for getting through the roughest part of it all. Steady progress has been made since leaving the hospital only a few days ago.
Aurora, CO...I don't even know where to begin, other than what a slap in the face after already having an open wound personally. I love my new state (I miss my original one, often) and was in shock to hear yet another "record breaking news story" come blaring over the radio and television that fateful Friday. I haven't yet taken the time to form an opinion about the whole thing other than the fact that I am still firmly anti-violence...so much so that I may become a buddhist. Not really...well not yet at least.
I still hope to go back to teaching, there is no way it will or can work out for this fall--perhaps for the spring--but i now know my city, my state, and my self a lot better and will...I WILL...attack and become a gainfully employed teacher in 2013. Cerrita's health is a priority at the moment and I don't really mind living life a day at a time. Yes, I want to make changes in the world, help people, better myself and be challenged and passionate about a cause. For now...my cause is my personal life, and, isn't successfully living each day with a loved one a great enough cause? I think so. So i'm doing it...until I have time and energy for another cause.
All my love and as much as ever, I really miss you Mom...holy cow do I appreciate good RNs EVEN MORE now ;)
Ashley
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Back on track with myself after a few important/difficult/exciting/ happy/ not-so-happy/ but important months
Dear Mom,
Today I realized that I haven't written since March! Today (well since this weekend) I've put myself back on track after a few _________(see the title) months. April and May were a clusterf*ck frankly of a lot of things coming together, ending, refreshing, etc. I flew to NH for my sister's birthday. I visited Rachel in NYC for a night of laughs and good food. My relationship hit an all time low...leading to my own personal strengths all time high. My relationship was set back on track with new terms, new happiness, new vigor, and a new clear focus and some cleaning was done in the process. I left the nanny job. I got a new job, and love it. I started working out regularly again. I co-coached my first synchronized skating team. I visited a friend while she visited the area for the Warrior Games. I bought some new books to read. I bought a blender. I gave away some old "fat" clothes. I re-fell-in-love with Colorado Springs, Cerrita, and myself. Oh! and I've officially become an adult-ish..fun story later :)
Whew! See....i haven't been just lolly-gaggin' around...i've been doing some real visible and invisible growing and learning. Without going into too much annoying detail about each item listed, I'll do a basic recap of the "big'uns." My sister's birthday was very fun, and so was drinking at "sea level" again...I'm a tank again, but a two beer queer at high altitude :) I can't believe she is 21...every time she gets older I feel WAY older. Rachel is gorgeous as ever and I miss our college days together more often than I am willing to admit out loud. She da best! Skipping relationship for a mini moment. I left the nanny job for a "real" job that offered interaction with adults, professional dress codes, a stable schedule, and more money. The kids I was a nanny for were great, most days, and I learned a lot once again about my one day children (or nieces and nephews)and left for financial and regular scheduling reasons. I was honest, as always, with the them and told them i will always miss and think of them and hope to run into them from time to time. I love the new job as a receptionist at a dental office in the area. I have made a few work friends, I have lots of independence, and i have already impressed the pants of all the doctors. Win for me! This job allows for more money and a regular schedule...so I've been able to catch up on my application for the ALT teaching license endorsement for Colorado. I want to start teaching in August, but life happens and I won't beat myself up for that, so if I start in january...success will still be mine :) I'm back on track with my health and nutrition and determined to reach my goal by Christmas! This just my be the first time I reach a NYE resolution. This is the second to last week with the synchronized figure skating team (its not a private team, rather one sponosred by the local Learn to Skate program) and I am so proud and a bit sad to have this experience come to a close. Those girls are awesome and a breath of fresh air every Thursday night! New books have yet to be completed. blender = smoothies all the time...margaritas coming soon.
And...I have become more of an adult recently as I noticed a peculiar reaction to something I saw one night. One night while driving home, I saw a few teenagers crossing the road. It appeared at first as if they were acting like apes crossing the road, but upon closer approach I realized they were placing some sort of basic pop-explosive (the things you throw at the ground and they pop and smoke I guessed) and that is why they looked so odd while crossing the road. At the same time i realized exactly what they were doing I noticed that cars were swerving around the objects in the road and traffic was beginning to build up in that lane. *Note* I live on a street shared with the back entrance to a hospital that is primarily used for its ER and the elderly in town. Immediately, I am irritated and upset by these teens. I think to myself, I am going to call the cops if this doesn't come to an end in the next five minutes--it did. My mind raced with the dangerous possibilities of this juvenile prank and suddenly I stopped...and realized that I was officially an adult. This was no longer amusing, I no longer wanted to "one up" them with my own creative prank, and...i was ready and willing to take action. This may not seem like a big deal, but to me...it felt huge. I am an adult. Youth has not quite left me, but adulthood keeps bringing in more luggage and plans to stay for the long haul.
Finally, on falling in love and have lot to share but only a few words. I love Colorado Springs again after visiting the top of Pikes Peak via the Cog Railway. Its awesome. Visit. Do it! I also love that I've learned the area so well in my time here and feel like I really and truly live here and am not "new" anymore. Cerrita and I had a real rough patch. Enough said. Out of that patch came a lot of honest conversations and some real growth for the two f us in our relationship. I've noticed a huge positive change in her, which is not at all superficial, and it has made all the difference for the two of us. We are making each other better again and we are growing and loving and laughing and enjoying each other. Rough patches are sometimes necessary if you recognize them as teaching moments. I am again happy and madly in love with her. And, I'm in love with myself all over again. I hit a bit of a slump (part of the rough patch's roots)and the new job, the positive turn in our relationship, returning to the gym, and taking regular positive "Me time" to accomplish things and relax has let me almost rediscover myself :)
So Momma, I'm doing alright. i'm sorry I fell of the radar, but thank got I'm a Capricorn and us goats, we're no strangers to climbing back to the top from time to time! I miss you. I love you...please do something about the hail here ;)
Love,
ME
Monday, March 26, 2012
Meeting New People
Dear Mom,
Today I am grateful that I am sometimes (not all the time) brave enough to let myself out of my comfort zone and befriend some VERy different but VERY amazing new people. I just had a 45 min conversation with a new friend in the area. I felt proud that I am teaching her as much as she is teaching me...we both laugh a lot together...and that we both seem to be wild and crazy / mature and reasonable/responsible in our own ways. Good friends are hard to come by...in fact to quote my favorite modern poet Stacyann Chin "Perseverance is the stuff of which good, friends, food, and sex is made of"
Love and hugs and kisses :)
Miss you always
Ashley
Today I am grateful that I am sometimes (not all the time) brave enough to let myself out of my comfort zone and befriend some VERy different but VERY amazing new people. I just had a 45 min conversation with a new friend in the area. I felt proud that I am teaching her as much as she is teaching me...we both laugh a lot together...and that we both seem to be wild and crazy / mature and reasonable/responsible in our own ways. Good friends are hard to come by...in fact to quote my favorite modern poet Stacyann Chin "Perseverance is the stuff of which good, friends, food, and sex is made of"
Love and hugs and kisses :)
Miss you always
Ashley
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Parker
Dear Mom,
Today I realized that I have yet to share Parker with you! Parker is our brand new (well he is 7 weeks approx. now and we got him around 5 weeks) Yorkiepoo puppy! He is a mix of yorkshire terrier and teacup poodle. He is TINY! I took him to the vet on Monday and he weighs 2.2 lb....he might hit 4 lb. by the time he is fully grown. He has curly hair that is black with a yellow/ tan tummy, "eye shadow," and paws. Parker's ears are floppy and pointed in a triangle shape and his face is wide and short, but he has the biggest black eyes ever!
He has personality that is something out of this world...and he is so smart! I'm fairly certain he is a mix of a bunny, a cat, a tight rope walker, a bear, and a track star. He hops on all fours when excited or playing with some of his toys, he meows...seriously meows on occasion and uses his front paws so gently when testing if a new toy or treat is safe, he walks on his hind legs very easily and for extended periods of time, he growls a big bear/ dog growl when playing tug that is impressive for a 2.2 lb. dog, and he runs full speed and keeps up with my jog pace!
It is safe to say that I am madly in love with Parker. In the first week we had him he was malnourished, couldn't sleep through the night, and was extremely skiddish around everything. Now, he sleeps through the night on his blanket at the foot of the bed on the floor, he eats on his own (no longer one piece at a time from my hand), he's gained some healthy weight and he greets us at the door when we come home.
Two mornings ago Cerrita realized he had learned the basics of fetch and loves it! If only we could get him to consistently follow his potty training rules... Anyway, pictures soon :)
I love and miss you...keep sending sunshine my way!
Love Ashley
Today I realized that I have yet to share Parker with you! Parker is our brand new (well he is 7 weeks approx. now and we got him around 5 weeks) Yorkiepoo puppy! He is a mix of yorkshire terrier and teacup poodle. He is TINY! I took him to the vet on Monday and he weighs 2.2 lb....he might hit 4 lb. by the time he is fully grown. He has curly hair that is black with a yellow/ tan tummy, "eye shadow," and paws. Parker's ears are floppy and pointed in a triangle shape and his face is wide and short, but he has the biggest black eyes ever!
He has personality that is something out of this world...and he is so smart! I'm fairly certain he is a mix of a bunny, a cat, a tight rope walker, a bear, and a track star. He hops on all fours when excited or playing with some of his toys, he meows...seriously meows on occasion and uses his front paws so gently when testing if a new toy or treat is safe, he walks on his hind legs very easily and for extended periods of time, he growls a big bear/ dog growl when playing tug that is impressive for a 2.2 lb. dog, and he runs full speed and keeps up with my jog pace!
It is safe to say that I am madly in love with Parker. In the first week we had him he was malnourished, couldn't sleep through the night, and was extremely skiddish around everything. Now, he sleeps through the night on his blanket at the foot of the bed on the floor, he eats on his own (no longer one piece at a time from my hand), he's gained some healthy weight and he greets us at the door when we come home.
Two mornings ago Cerrita realized he had learned the basics of fetch and loves it! If only we could get him to consistently follow his potty training rules... Anyway, pictures soon :)
I love and miss you...keep sending sunshine my way!
Love Ashley
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Capoeria!
Dear Mom,
Today I am going to my second Brazilian Capoeria class. A friend of mine from bootcamp actually teaches Capoeria and gave me and a few other friends a one month voucher for free lessons / classes! I went last Thursday and 1. sustained a nasty blister 2. sweat / danced like a happy crazy fool 3. learned some Portuguese! I'm really trying to get out there and meet more people and also really trying to push myself as much as possible so I can report, proudly, next week's measure and weigh in. S, I am most enthused about tonight (this morning's workout was good but not great...always is less intense when learning new exercises...but hello phase II is going to be HARD!) and I hope to get better at the art of the dance fight and to socialize with and get to know some more people. I'm hoping for zero blisters this time...but even so, I survived last time...I'll push through again!
PS - Tomorrow, Cerrita and I are heading to Denver to see the Nuggets play the Trailblazers. SO excited for Denver AND for my first ever NBA game!!!
Love hugs kisses, I miss you always
Ashley
Today I am going to my second Brazilian Capoeria class. A friend of mine from bootcamp actually teaches Capoeria and gave me and a few other friends a one month voucher for free lessons / classes! I went last Thursday and 1. sustained a nasty blister 2. sweat / danced like a happy crazy fool 3. learned some Portuguese! I'm really trying to get out there and meet more people and also really trying to push myself as much as possible so I can report, proudly, next week's measure and weigh in. S, I am most enthused about tonight (this morning's workout was good but not great...always is less intense when learning new exercises...but hello phase II is going to be HARD!) and I hope to get better at the art of the dance fight and to socialize with and get to know some more people. I'm hoping for zero blisters this time...but even so, I survived last time...I'll push through again!
PS - Tomorrow, Cerrita and I are heading to Denver to see the Nuggets play the Trailblazers. SO excited for Denver AND for my first ever NBA game!!!
Love hugs kisses, I miss you always
Ashley
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Excellent Morning!
Dear Mom,
Today I had an excellent morning. Well, to be specific Tuesday Feb 21st was the morning of note. Here's the scoop. I went to my usual fit body bootcamp strength training at 9am. As of Tuesday, it had been 2 week since I was last weighed and measured. My new "stats" include a 7lb weight loss, 5" off my belly, 4" off my hips, 1.75" off my arms, and perhaps most exciting of all...a 5% body fat loss!!!
I'm very happy with these results! I've been feeling better and sleeping better with the exercise and the slight, but important tweaks to my usual eating habits. I'm even MORE dedicated now than before. I'm proud of my body, I know what I can do when I am disciplined, and I juuuust bought an adorable spring dress I am determined to look nice in by March. Cheer me on!
I love and miss you, keep watch over me (don't let me slack!)
-Ashley
Today I had an excellent morning. Well, to be specific Tuesday Feb 21st was the morning of note. Here's the scoop. I went to my usual fit body bootcamp strength training at 9am. As of Tuesday, it had been 2 week since I was last weighed and measured. My new "stats" include a 7lb weight loss, 5" off my belly, 4" off my hips, 1.75" off my arms, and perhaps most exciting of all...a 5% body fat loss!!!
I'm very happy with these results! I've been feeling better and sleeping better with the exercise and the slight, but important tweaks to my usual eating habits. I'm even MORE dedicated now than before. I'm proud of my body, I know what I can do when I am disciplined, and I juuuust bought an adorable spring dress I am determined to look nice in by March. Cheer me on!
I love and miss you, keep watch over me (don't let me slack!)
-Ashley
Faces of the Soup Kitchen
Dear Mom,
Today I (well Monday, to be honest) saw the many faces of the Soup Kitchen attendees. For the sake of time and organization, I'm going to focus / share only a few of the many.
"Church Ladies"
While within this group, if you will, there are many different types of people (and I am in no way type-casting women who go to church, merely talking about the ones I met) I met a particularly interesting brand. D and F were two women who had the "bussing/ helping people through the line" job as me and they had come to volunteer as a part of their church community. D and F had different work (or lack thereof,) ethics but the thing they shared in common was self-rigtheousness. Every time someone forgot to say thank you or please, I heard about how "ungrateful these people were." Other times I heard "No wonder they can get a job and are on the streets." Thankfully no one other than me heard these comments made in hushed tones.
Due to the fact that I did not know these women and I might run into them again while volunteering, I opted to simply nod and try to look interested. I never once concurred or returned with a comment. If I had done so I probably would have said something along the lines of "are you kidding me? What makes you think you know the back story, the real nitty gritty details, of each person who walks through here? You know they are here because they are poverty-stricken and that is the only thing you actually KNOW about them. You do not know if 1. they are having a rough day 2. if they are ill or their children are 3. the last time they spoke to or saw relatives. And, you, my Christian friend, dare to judge another so harshly after one encounter? Why are you here? To help others or to impress the others from your church group that you supposedly care?" I refrained, even when extremely difficult. I was there for one purpose: to serve others, not to straighten out self-righteous church ladies.
"Children"
This time around there were significantly less children who walked through the doors (could be good, could be not so good). Every time I see a child or even a teenager walk through the doors, my heart stops for a moment and I feel overwhelming sadness and anger. It may be idealistic, it may not be rooted in logic, but my opinion is that NO child deserves to go hungry or be homeless. Children don't get to choose the life and the families they are born into, adults make and made choices that affect their children. Bottom line: I want to hug and rescue and bestow all my knowledge and teachings and lessons and compassion on these youngsters each time I see them. These children motivate me to stay the course, get my CO teaching license and find a way to inspire and make real change for homeless, low-income, and disabled families with young children. I firmly believe that education is the key to helping society resolve some of its most pressing issues. We are only as strong, as a country, as our educated youth. The will take our experiences, their own life lessons, and make this world a better place if we teach them about real issues and teach with rigor and compassion.
"Workers," the "appreciative," and the "bitter" are coming in part two.
Ciao! love , hugs, miss youuuu
Today I (well Monday, to be honest) saw the many faces of the Soup Kitchen attendees. For the sake of time and organization, I'm going to focus / share only a few of the many.
"Church Ladies"
While within this group, if you will, there are many different types of people (and I am in no way type-casting women who go to church, merely talking about the ones I met) I met a particularly interesting brand. D and F were two women who had the "bussing/ helping people through the line" job as me and they had come to volunteer as a part of their church community. D and F had different work (or lack thereof,) ethics but the thing they shared in common was self-rigtheousness. Every time someone forgot to say thank you or please, I heard about how "ungrateful these people were." Other times I heard "No wonder they can get a job and are on the streets." Thankfully no one other than me heard these comments made in hushed tones.
Due to the fact that I did not know these women and I might run into them again while volunteering, I opted to simply nod and try to look interested. I never once concurred or returned with a comment. If I had done so I probably would have said something along the lines of "are you kidding me? What makes you think you know the back story, the real nitty gritty details, of each person who walks through here? You know they are here because they are poverty-stricken and that is the only thing you actually KNOW about them. You do not know if 1. they are having a rough day 2. if they are ill or their children are 3. the last time they spoke to or saw relatives. And, you, my Christian friend, dare to judge another so harshly after one encounter? Why are you here? To help others or to impress the others from your church group that you supposedly care?" I refrained, even when extremely difficult. I was there for one purpose: to serve others, not to straighten out self-righteous church ladies.
"Children"
This time around there were significantly less children who walked through the doors (could be good, could be not so good). Every time I see a child or even a teenager walk through the doors, my heart stops for a moment and I feel overwhelming sadness and anger. It may be idealistic, it may not be rooted in logic, but my opinion is that NO child deserves to go hungry or be homeless. Children don't get to choose the life and the families they are born into, adults make and made choices that affect their children. Bottom line: I want to hug and rescue and bestow all my knowledge and teachings and lessons and compassion on these youngsters each time I see them. These children motivate me to stay the course, get my CO teaching license and find a way to inspire and make real change for homeless, low-income, and disabled families with young children. I firmly believe that education is the key to helping society resolve some of its most pressing issues. We are only as strong, as a country, as our educated youth. The will take our experiences, their own life lessons, and make this world a better place if we teach them about real issues and teach with rigor and compassion.
"Workers," the "appreciative," and the "bitter" are coming in part two.
Ciao! love , hugs, miss youuuu
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Update: Lots of little, big things!
Dear Mom,
Today I am giving you an overdue update on a lot of little, big things going on.
1. As of today, I have stuck to and been extremely surprised at my happiness with a new nutrition plan. Yes, "nutrition plan" is what I am calling it because the word "diet" I associate with past failures and it also, generally speaking, stirs up negative emotions and connotations. Its really easy and that is perhaps what I love most about it! "Protein, Produce, Water" as my trainer said to summarize it one day and that phrase has stuck...unlike those pesky pounds! Lean meats, green and high nutrient veggies and lots of water (and my morning cup of black coffee) has been doing the trick. And, guess what?! I can eat as much as I need! Last night I wasn't so hungry but the night prior I had 4 oz of lean beef strips with steamed green beans and I was 1. full / content 2. happy to eat yummy foods 3. still following the "protein, produce, water" rule!
2. Strength Training is my newest love affair! If you've been doing cardio to loose weight or tone up. STOP. Do some research...if the screen is too bright or over the top and has an eerie infomercial feel...you're being sold an idea. Try focusing on strength training (not bulking up...relax) as your first priority at home or in the gym and you'll see and feel the results I've experienced. (Good ones, aside from first few days of soreness)
3. I'm volunteering at the Soup Kitchen next week (tried for today and Friday, but they had plenty of help already scheduled) on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Will report back on different managing styles, regulars, and anything else that unexpectedly stuns me again.
4. I really want to start my own small business. I've been doing some prelim research and I've signed up for a few free seminars for new start-ups. Keeping ideas to myself for the moment, not out of secrecy, but because they keep changing and i want to share something solid with you! Cerrita is hugely supportive and while I should have expected that, she always loves my "I want to end world hunger" type ideas, I was surprised. I think mostly because people generally are hesitant at the start of a business to support and endorse, but more than happy to support and endorse once the business is up and running rather successfully.
5. I miss NH and I miss my college friends a lot lately. I am doing so well that I think I miss everyone whom I've usually shared my joys and falls with in a general sense. So, hold me to these plans...well, kind of, $$ is a factor. 1. I want to see Liz and Trav in Portland / see the Pacific ocean by the end of Spring. 2. I want to head back to Marvell, Arkansas (where I taught) to see my students young and old, and my fellow staff one more time before the end of the school year 3. I want to show and share NH in the summer (before August, the humid, ouch! I'm stuck to my own skin month) with Cerrita...and she needs to see Boston and the Atlantic!
I miss you. I love you. Keep a watch over me.
All kinds of love!
Ashley
Today I am giving you an overdue update on a lot of little, big things going on.
1. As of today, I have stuck to and been extremely surprised at my happiness with a new nutrition plan. Yes, "nutrition plan" is what I am calling it because the word "diet" I associate with past failures and it also, generally speaking, stirs up negative emotions and connotations. Its really easy and that is perhaps what I love most about it! "Protein, Produce, Water" as my trainer said to summarize it one day and that phrase has stuck...unlike those pesky pounds! Lean meats, green and high nutrient veggies and lots of water (and my morning cup of black coffee) has been doing the trick. And, guess what?! I can eat as much as I need! Last night I wasn't so hungry but the night prior I had 4 oz of lean beef strips with steamed green beans and I was 1. full / content 2. happy to eat yummy foods 3. still following the "protein, produce, water" rule!
2. Strength Training is my newest love affair! If you've been doing cardio to loose weight or tone up. STOP. Do some research...if the screen is too bright or over the top and has an eerie infomercial feel...you're being sold an idea. Try focusing on strength training (not bulking up...relax) as your first priority at home or in the gym and you'll see and feel the results I've experienced. (Good ones, aside from first few days of soreness)
3. I'm volunteering at the Soup Kitchen next week (tried for today and Friday, but they had plenty of help already scheduled) on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Will report back on different managing styles, regulars, and anything else that unexpectedly stuns me again.
4. I really want to start my own small business. I've been doing some prelim research and I've signed up for a few free seminars for new start-ups. Keeping ideas to myself for the moment, not out of secrecy, but because they keep changing and i want to share something solid with you! Cerrita is hugely supportive and while I should have expected that, she always loves my "I want to end world hunger" type ideas, I was surprised. I think mostly because people generally are hesitant at the start of a business to support and endorse, but more than happy to support and endorse once the business is up and running rather successfully.
5. I miss NH and I miss my college friends a lot lately. I am doing so well that I think I miss everyone whom I've usually shared my joys and falls with in a general sense. So, hold me to these plans...well, kind of, $$ is a factor. 1. I want to see Liz and Trav in Portland / see the Pacific ocean by the end of Spring. 2. I want to head back to Marvell, Arkansas (where I taught) to see my students young and old, and my fellow staff one more time before the end of the school year 3. I want to show and share NH in the summer (before August, the humid, ouch! I'm stuck to my own skin month) with Cerrita...and she needs to see Boston and the Atlantic!
I miss you. I love you. Keep a watch over me.
All kinds of love!
Ashley
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Yesterday, I learned that every thing / one deserves a second look.
Dear Mom,
Yesterday, I learned that every thing and every person in my life often requires and deserves a second look. In my relationship, at the present, there is a bit of an underlying rough patch and in this rarest of cases...other "parties" are involved. Operating in my usual survival mode, I cut everyone out of my little "steel box" of a heart and holed up emotionally. For whatever reason, I decided to take a second and third look at ALL parties involved in this current rough patch and considered a few things: why they were involved? should they be involved? and how did I feel, not how should I feel, about the fact that my relationship rough patch has been impacted by people outside of the relationship. This surprisingly liberating thinking and self-awareness spree lead me to a healthy state of mind and a healthy emotional place as well.
Yesterday, I learned that if I do not take care of me, I cannot take care of, or attempt to take care of, the world and the people in it. I am often worrying about and helping even catering to others. I haven't been in in tip-top shape (have had this cold for a while...mostly limited chest congestion now though, its on its way out!) and that coupled with my emotional rocky road has left me, on the inside, in less than stellar condition. During my morning workout at bootcamp I had to simply let go and give into my own needs to heal. I went home took vitamins, medicine, and a nap. I then went about my day, per usual and landed on my thinking spree. Today has been a much better, more fulfilling, productive and brighter day. I've learned my lesson. I hope...
I miss you. I love you. Keep watch over me!
Love
Ashley
Yesterday, I learned that every thing and every person in my life often requires and deserves a second look. In my relationship, at the present, there is a bit of an underlying rough patch and in this rarest of cases...other "parties" are involved. Operating in my usual survival mode, I cut everyone out of my little "steel box" of a heart and holed up emotionally. For whatever reason, I decided to take a second and third look at ALL parties involved in this current rough patch and considered a few things: why they were involved? should they be involved? and how did I feel, not how should I feel, about the fact that my relationship rough patch has been impacted by people outside of the relationship. This surprisingly liberating thinking and self-awareness spree lead me to a healthy state of mind and a healthy emotional place as well.
Yesterday, I learned that if I do not take care of me, I cannot take care of, or attempt to take care of, the world and the people in it. I am often worrying about and helping even catering to others. I haven't been in in tip-top shape (have had this cold for a while...mostly limited chest congestion now though, its on its way out!) and that coupled with my emotional rocky road has left me, on the inside, in less than stellar condition. During my morning workout at bootcamp I had to simply let go and give into my own needs to heal. I went home took vitamins, medicine, and a nap. I then went about my day, per usual and landed on my thinking spree. Today has been a much better, more fulfilling, productive and brighter day. I've learned my lesson. I hope...
I miss you. I love you. Keep watch over me!
Love
Ashley
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I am going to "Rock My Jeans"
Dear Mom,
Today I went to the first meeting for the "Rock Your Jeans Challenge" at the fitness bootcamp I've now been attending for 1 month. The program is for 8 weeks and is created to help participants loose 2 Jeans sizes! Strict nutrition, fun constantly changing workouts, and a group atmosphere have me very excited and poised for success. I'll be sure to update with stats. I started at 208 a month ago and now I'm 197.0 and 32 cm smaller overall. I'd happily shed in inches / centimeters and loose weight slowly. I'm very happy with this decision!
I miss you. I love you. Wish me luck and be that supportive voice in my head!
Love,
Ashley
Today I went to the first meeting for the "Rock Your Jeans Challenge" at the fitness bootcamp I've now been attending for 1 month. The program is for 8 weeks and is created to help participants loose 2 Jeans sizes! Strict nutrition, fun constantly changing workouts, and a group atmosphere have me very excited and poised for success. I'll be sure to update with stats. I started at 208 a month ago and now I'm 197.0 and 32 cm smaller overall. I'd happily shed in inches / centimeters and loose weight slowly. I'm very happy with this decision!
I miss you. I love you. Wish me luck and be that supportive voice in my head!
Love,
Ashley
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
An Odd Moment of Clarity and Peace.
Dear Mom,
Today I had an odd moment of peace and clarity while in the shower, where most of my "epiphanies" are born, and I wanted to share it with you because, well, it is directly related to you. Instead of skirting around this, I'll be short, concise, and simple.
I realized that I am in a place in my life that I always, somehow as a child, knew I was going to be. I always wanted to live in the mountains. I always wanted to be in a relationship that "felt like home" and was truly unconditional. I always wanted to be this happy and this proud of myself. I realized that while loosing you will forever remain the single most difficult thing I've ever had to cope (and am still coping) with in my life; loosing you helped me choose, from a very early age, what kind of person I wanted to be. I chose to be independent, strong, true to myself without compromise, and full of secret deep compassion for the world and everything that lives on it. I am not entirely sure, in fact, to be honest, I am fairly confident that I would not be so confident, self-aware, strong, or level-headed had you been in my life while I was growing up. Now, please...of course I wish I had you there every single day, but in your physical absence, I learned (and apparently turned out like you) even more because I always tuned in to my intuition, my memories, and the lessons I learned with you by my side. You've always been with me, and I hope I'm still with you. I like who I've grown to be and where I'm heading in this life (because I've accumulated all of the traits listed in your absence) and I hope you do too. Not knowing for sure will forever suck.
My clarity and my peace are simply this: Mom, alive or not you were, and are, everything I ever needed. This, while extremely difficult, was meant to be. One day I'll find out if I made you proud.
I miss you. I love you.
Love,
Ashley
Today I had an odd moment of peace and clarity while in the shower, where most of my "epiphanies" are born, and I wanted to share it with you because, well, it is directly related to you. Instead of skirting around this, I'll be short, concise, and simple.
I realized that I am in a place in my life that I always, somehow as a child, knew I was going to be. I always wanted to live in the mountains. I always wanted to be in a relationship that "felt like home" and was truly unconditional. I always wanted to be this happy and this proud of myself. I realized that while loosing you will forever remain the single most difficult thing I've ever had to cope (and am still coping) with in my life; loosing you helped me choose, from a very early age, what kind of person I wanted to be. I chose to be independent, strong, true to myself without compromise, and full of secret deep compassion for the world and everything that lives on it. I am not entirely sure, in fact, to be honest, I am fairly confident that I would not be so confident, self-aware, strong, or level-headed had you been in my life while I was growing up. Now, please...of course I wish I had you there every single day, but in your physical absence, I learned (and apparently turned out like you) even more because I always tuned in to my intuition, my memories, and the lessons I learned with you by my side. You've always been with me, and I hope I'm still with you. I like who I've grown to be and where I'm heading in this life (because I've accumulated all of the traits listed in your absence) and I hope you do too. Not knowing for sure will forever suck.
My clarity and my peace are simply this: Mom, alive or not you were, and are, everything I ever needed. This, while extremely difficult, was meant to be. One day I'll find out if I made you proud.
I miss you. I love you.
Love,
Ashley
Monday, January 30, 2012
I am sick.
Dear Mom,
Today I am sick. Cerrita has been sick for day days, and spent the yesterday intermittently loosing her stomach. Gross. Sorry, but still! She is a trooper and has somehow managed to get out of bed and work for 12+ hrs a day. This morning I must have sounded and looked how I felt because the instant that I hear my usual week day morning greeting (Cerrita is a goober and loves to wake me up with over the top nicknames like puddin', sunshine, buttercup, and the like because she knows how much I have mornings and would rather make me laugh / disarm any potential grumpiness) and I heard "oh, you've got it now" from my love. NOT AWESOME. So....my day has since proceeded as such:
Drive car back home after dropping off Cerrita. Forcing eyes awake and air in and out of lungs through any acceptable passage way. Sip coffee, watch weather, whine to Cerrita about how I am feeling. Take a blazing how shower (Cerrita's advice) and clear the above mentioned passageways only to feel light headed and not a bit better. Sleep until 8am. Put on sports bra and kicks and head to tri-weekly bootcamp. Worrying if I will make it there let alone make it through the 45 min workout. Sudden burst of energy as I finish some gum and water. (not olympic burst but still an "i'm a wake holy shit, let's do this" burst). I get through the work out! I feel ok leaving, not wiped, but damn near exhausted enough. I call Cerrita. update. She is still getting sick at work. Expects me to be happy it was only once. Not happy. I worry about her more than myself even when i've recently contracted her plague. Yes. this is a plague. No, mom, this is not over-dramatics from skating leaping into and infesting my real life :) OK a little. but aghhhhh. I can't help it.
My head feels like a ton of bricks, my jaw is sore, my lips are cracking from the Hey Arnold style breathing, and my body feels like a bruised Georgia peach all over. In an effort to to find some comfort 9while still sticking to my workout / diet regimen) I grabbed a popsicle from the freezer. I had purchased them for Cerrita the night prior when she was loosing everything and about ready to loose some major organs next. The flavor I grabbed without looking was root beer and I instantly, and aways, think of you. I still remember vividly the night before and the morning after my first ever major surgery for the removal of my tonsils and adenoids. I was 3. You were an RN. It was two days before christmas. You couldn't watch them stick me with the needle for my fluids because you knew how much it hurt me. I couldn't let go of your hand. You became a nurse for second on top of being my mom and talked me through the next part because this was the part where "Mom can't go through those doors, but I know the secret of what they do, so this is what is going to happen" and toldme about everything from sleeping gas, to how to help the doctors roll me onto the operating table and how the best patients keep a smile on even when they are scared. I did it all and I came out just fine. Save being quite sore. You were as worried as you'd be if i had just had heart surgery. You said I could have anything i wanted to make my throat feel better. I requested "root beer popsicles." On the ride home we stopped at the store. At home I opened my very own, all root beer flavored, box of popsicles. Ate one...maybe two. and feel asleep. Now that I'm 24, and not three, I'll have you know that you are STILL a very large part of my life, whether or not I choose to share these memories out loud. This one is a favorite. We were both pretty cute, charming, and sweet.
I miss you. I love you. Keep an eye one me.
Love,
Ashley
Today I am sick. Cerrita has been sick for day days, and spent the yesterday intermittently loosing her stomach. Gross. Sorry, but still! She is a trooper and has somehow managed to get out of bed and work for 12+ hrs a day. This morning I must have sounded and looked how I felt because the instant that I hear my usual week day morning greeting (Cerrita is a goober and loves to wake me up with over the top nicknames like puddin', sunshine, buttercup, and the like because she knows how much I have mornings and would rather make me laugh / disarm any potential grumpiness) and I heard "oh, you've got it now" from my love. NOT AWESOME. So....my day has since proceeded as such:
Drive car back home after dropping off Cerrita. Forcing eyes awake and air in and out of lungs through any acceptable passage way. Sip coffee, watch weather, whine to Cerrita about how I am feeling. Take a blazing how shower (Cerrita's advice) and clear the above mentioned passageways only to feel light headed and not a bit better. Sleep until 8am. Put on sports bra and kicks and head to tri-weekly bootcamp. Worrying if I will make it there let alone make it through the 45 min workout. Sudden burst of energy as I finish some gum and water. (not olympic burst but still an "i'm a wake holy shit, let's do this" burst). I get through the work out! I feel ok leaving, not wiped, but damn near exhausted enough. I call Cerrita. update. She is still getting sick at work. Expects me to be happy it was only once. Not happy. I worry about her more than myself even when i've recently contracted her plague. Yes. this is a plague. No, mom, this is not over-dramatics from skating leaping into and infesting my real life :) OK a little. but aghhhhh. I can't help it.
My head feels like a ton of bricks, my jaw is sore, my lips are cracking from the Hey Arnold style breathing, and my body feels like a bruised Georgia peach all over. In an effort to to find some comfort 9while still sticking to my workout / diet regimen) I grabbed a popsicle from the freezer. I had purchased them for Cerrita the night prior when she was loosing everything and about ready to loose some major organs next. The flavor I grabbed without looking was root beer and I instantly, and aways, think of you. I still remember vividly the night before and the morning after my first ever major surgery for the removal of my tonsils and adenoids. I was 3. You were an RN. It was two days before christmas. You couldn't watch them stick me with the needle for my fluids because you knew how much it hurt me. I couldn't let go of your hand. You became a nurse for second on top of being my mom and talked me through the next part because this was the part where "Mom can't go through those doors, but I know the secret of what they do, so this is what is going to happen" and toldme about everything from sleeping gas, to how to help the doctors roll me onto the operating table and how the best patients keep a smile on even when they are scared. I did it all and I came out just fine. Save being quite sore. You were as worried as you'd be if i had just had heart surgery. You said I could have anything i wanted to make my throat feel better. I requested "root beer popsicles." On the ride home we stopped at the store. At home I opened my very own, all root beer flavored, box of popsicles. Ate one...maybe two. and feel asleep. Now that I'm 24, and not three, I'll have you know that you are STILL a very large part of my life, whether or not I choose to share these memories out loud. This one is a favorite. We were both pretty cute, charming, and sweet.
I miss you. I love you. Keep an eye one me.
Love,
Ashley
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Soup Kitchen: Day 1
Dear Mom,
Today I worked at the local soup kitchen. I have been wanting to make good use of my free time during the week AND do something that bettered the local community. Ok, so I tried the Boys and Girls Club first, but they are harder to volunteer for than getting a Jonas brother to give up his purity ring. I was dismayed, I love to work and hang with kids of all ages, but after my experience at the Soup Kitchen, I don't think I was ever meant for the Boys and Girls Club.
On Wednesday, I made my way down to the Catholic Charities Soup Kitchen (located right in the heart of downtown Colorado Springs!) and filled out paper work and signed up for my first ever shift. The next day, Thursday, I showed up early for my 10am - 2pm shift. I was immediately greeted by a number of people who were more than happy to help, playful, and welcoming. I was new and feeling nervous simply because I didn't want to make things difficult for the veteran workers and volunteers while I learned the ins and outs of the operation. Wow! And, what a large operation it was to behold. I was impressed by the magnitude of the kitchen, the systems in place for maximum efficiency, and the large number of people working / running around. I was depressed by the fact that the Soup Kitchen needed to be that large in the first place. Colorado Springs, overall, is a fairly affluent city and seeing the constant large number of people come in the door and get in line, for what was most likely their only meal of the day, was upsetting to me. Nonetheless, I was happy to be helping and kept my thoughts and concerns about local and national society to myself and worked diligently with a smile on the whole time.
My job was to take, well actually to "run," the freshly cleaned dishes, cups, bowls, dessert plates, spoons (forks and knives aren't allowed...they're weapons in waiting) and tray back out to where the servers can re-use them for the next patron. I went home soaked from sweat, clean dishwater, and surprise upright mugs of water. I made a few friends: Merle, Charles, Greg, and Tom...oh! and "big chef" as I secretly called him...never did catch his name. Whoops!I Promise to learn it next week.
I am looking forward to going back next week. it is my hope that I get to know the volunteer regulars and the Soup Kitchen patron regulars. I've long struggled with the issue of homelessness in this country on both the macro and the micro scales. When I see a person in the street, on the curb, in a park, etc. I instantly start thinking about a number of things. Who were you before this? What lead you here? What have you tried to resolve your situation? What is it you really need / want? Where is your family? Friends? Did you lead yourself here? Did society fail you? Forget you? What are your days like? What do you think of me? I'm never sure of my own emotions or convictions in that singular moment where you unexpectedly meet someone you've had such strong convictions about when not faced with that very human face.
The one thing that I was the least prepared for was the number of children, young families, and veterans. Stereotypically in our society (film, television, mass culture etc) homeless folks are portrayed as some ratty, lazy, drunkard bum. I won't claim to be exempt from having any stereotype image in my head, but I am far from out of touch with reality. Or so I thought. Social injustice takes on many forms; whenever children are involved it immediately take top priority, at least in my world. I will be going back to volunteer again and again until I happily get a chance to great a newcomer and announce "this is the smallest we've ever been, our work really makes a difference."
I miss you. I love you. Keep a watch out for me.
Love,
Ashley
Today I worked at the local soup kitchen. I have been wanting to make good use of my free time during the week AND do something that bettered the local community. Ok, so I tried the Boys and Girls Club first, but they are harder to volunteer for than getting a Jonas brother to give up his purity ring. I was dismayed, I love to work and hang with kids of all ages, but after my experience at the Soup Kitchen, I don't think I was ever meant for the Boys and Girls Club.
On Wednesday, I made my way down to the Catholic Charities Soup Kitchen (located right in the heart of downtown Colorado Springs!) and filled out paper work and signed up for my first ever shift. The next day, Thursday, I showed up early for my 10am - 2pm shift. I was immediately greeted by a number of people who were more than happy to help, playful, and welcoming. I was new and feeling nervous simply because I didn't want to make things difficult for the veteran workers and volunteers while I learned the ins and outs of the operation. Wow! And, what a large operation it was to behold. I was impressed by the magnitude of the kitchen, the systems in place for maximum efficiency, and the large number of people working / running around. I was depressed by the fact that the Soup Kitchen needed to be that large in the first place. Colorado Springs, overall, is a fairly affluent city and seeing the constant large number of people come in the door and get in line, for what was most likely their only meal of the day, was upsetting to me. Nonetheless, I was happy to be helping and kept my thoughts and concerns about local and national society to myself and worked diligently with a smile on the whole time.
My job was to take, well actually to "run," the freshly cleaned dishes, cups, bowls, dessert plates, spoons (forks and knives aren't allowed...they're weapons in waiting) and tray back out to where the servers can re-use them for the next patron. I went home soaked from sweat, clean dishwater, and surprise upright mugs of water. I made a few friends: Merle, Charles, Greg, and Tom...oh! and "big chef" as I secretly called him...never did catch his name. Whoops!I Promise to learn it next week.
I am looking forward to going back next week. it is my hope that I get to know the volunteer regulars and the Soup Kitchen patron regulars. I've long struggled with the issue of homelessness in this country on both the macro and the micro scales. When I see a person in the street, on the curb, in a park, etc. I instantly start thinking about a number of things. Who were you before this? What lead you here? What have you tried to resolve your situation? What is it you really need / want? Where is your family? Friends? Did you lead yourself here? Did society fail you? Forget you? What are your days like? What do you think of me? I'm never sure of my own emotions or convictions in that singular moment where you unexpectedly meet someone you've had such strong convictions about when not faced with that very human face.
The one thing that I was the least prepared for was the number of children, young families, and veterans. Stereotypically in our society (film, television, mass culture etc) homeless folks are portrayed as some ratty, lazy, drunkard bum. I won't claim to be exempt from having any stereotype image in my head, but I am far from out of touch with reality. Or so I thought. Social injustice takes on many forms; whenever children are involved it immediately take top priority, at least in my world. I will be going back to volunteer again and again until I happily get a chance to great a newcomer and announce "this is the smallest we've ever been, our work really makes a difference."
I miss you. I love you. Keep a watch out for me.
Love,
Ashley
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