Now onto some of the heavier, but just as important stuff. Fair warning, if you don't know me well or care to, please stop reading now. I am not ashamed and I am not afraid. This is me and I'm sharing the conversations I have with my deceased mother often, just now y'all get to join in.

#1 "My own strength" and #3 "Abandonment really segue into one another.

I've been living and working in Denver (Denver area) since mid June of this year. I purposely elected to live in a one bedroom apartment. I have always felt that it is important for everyone, able to, to live alone. Man...i was even more right on the nose with that gut feeling than I expected. I've learned so much about myself, especially my own strength. I now know that I have no irrational fear of seeing a movie alone. If I want to see a movie, I will go see a damn movie. I've learned that I am quite good at cooking for one, growing my own herbs (which are now frozen and ready for my next slow cooker meal!), and I'm actually pretty good at being an adult and keeping up with responsibilities in a natural way. I thoroughly enjoy being alone when I want to be and I really like, although not always, what being "alone" has afforded me. Me time...and lots of it.

In addition to growing comfortable with and accepting of the life i've created for myself in Denver, I've had to do some serious thinking regarding a number of things. First, let's chat about Parker. I love that fur ball as if he were a part of my family. However, I've learned that love doesn't always look and feel like love "is supposed to" for lack of a better description. I am madly in love with my job and cannot and will not quit. The job had me working / out of the house for a minimum of 9 hours each day. Parker is a small dog, a young dog, alone in a one person apartment. I finally choose him and his needs over mine and gave him to Cerrita. He lived with her AND me and she knows his quirks and will take care of him despite our falling out. Parker came into my life at a strange point and he was unplanned, spontaneous and admittedly a bit irresponsible of an undertaking. Although I still get sad, I am happy and proud of my ability to love him so much that she gets what he needs (someone with more time, other dogs, and social interaction ability / availability) even if it means I loose out on raising him. He is a good little dog and one day when I have time I will responsibly own a dog, hopefully with a similar disposition.