Dear Mom,
Today I am going to my second Brazilian Capoeria class. A friend of mine from bootcamp actually teaches Capoeria and gave me and a few other friends a one month voucher for free lessons / classes! I went last Thursday and 1. sustained a nasty blister 2. sweat / danced like a happy crazy fool 3. learned some Portuguese! I'm really trying to get out there and meet more people and also really trying to push myself as much as possible so I can report, proudly, next week's measure and weigh in. S, I am most enthused about tonight (this morning's workout was good but not great...always is less intense when learning new exercises...but hello phase II is going to be HARD!) and I hope to get better at the art of the dance fight and to socialize with and get to know some more people. I'm hoping for zero blisters this time...but even so, I survived last time...I'll push through again!
PS - Tomorrow, Cerrita and I are heading to Denver to see the Nuggets play the Trailblazers. SO excited for Denver AND for my first ever NBA game!!!
Love hugs kisses, I miss you always
Ashley
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Excellent Morning!
Dear Mom,
Today I had an excellent morning. Well, to be specific Tuesday Feb 21st was the morning of note. Here's the scoop. I went to my usual fit body bootcamp strength training at 9am. As of Tuesday, it had been 2 week since I was last weighed and measured. My new "stats" include a 7lb weight loss, 5" off my belly, 4" off my hips, 1.75" off my arms, and perhaps most exciting of all...a 5% body fat loss!!!
I'm very happy with these results! I've been feeling better and sleeping better with the exercise and the slight, but important tweaks to my usual eating habits. I'm even MORE dedicated now than before. I'm proud of my body, I know what I can do when I am disciplined, and I juuuust bought an adorable spring dress I am determined to look nice in by March. Cheer me on!
I love and miss you, keep watch over me (don't let me slack!)
-Ashley
Today I had an excellent morning. Well, to be specific Tuesday Feb 21st was the morning of note. Here's the scoop. I went to my usual fit body bootcamp strength training at 9am. As of Tuesday, it had been 2 week since I was last weighed and measured. My new "stats" include a 7lb weight loss, 5" off my belly, 4" off my hips, 1.75" off my arms, and perhaps most exciting of all...a 5% body fat loss!!!
I'm very happy with these results! I've been feeling better and sleeping better with the exercise and the slight, but important tweaks to my usual eating habits. I'm even MORE dedicated now than before. I'm proud of my body, I know what I can do when I am disciplined, and I juuuust bought an adorable spring dress I am determined to look nice in by March. Cheer me on!
I love and miss you, keep watch over me (don't let me slack!)
-Ashley
Faces of the Soup Kitchen
Dear Mom,
Today I (well Monday, to be honest) saw the many faces of the Soup Kitchen attendees. For the sake of time and organization, I'm going to focus / share only a few of the many.
"Church Ladies"
While within this group, if you will, there are many different types of people (and I am in no way type-casting women who go to church, merely talking about the ones I met) I met a particularly interesting brand. D and F were two women who had the "bussing/ helping people through the line" job as me and they had come to volunteer as a part of their church community. D and F had different work (or lack thereof,) ethics but the thing they shared in common was self-rigtheousness. Every time someone forgot to say thank you or please, I heard about how "ungrateful these people were." Other times I heard "No wonder they can get a job and are on the streets." Thankfully no one other than me heard these comments made in hushed tones.
Due to the fact that I did not know these women and I might run into them again while volunteering, I opted to simply nod and try to look interested. I never once concurred or returned with a comment. If I had done so I probably would have said something along the lines of "are you kidding me? What makes you think you know the back story, the real nitty gritty details, of each person who walks through here? You know they are here because they are poverty-stricken and that is the only thing you actually KNOW about them. You do not know if 1. they are having a rough day 2. if they are ill or their children are 3. the last time they spoke to or saw relatives. And, you, my Christian friend, dare to judge another so harshly after one encounter? Why are you here? To help others or to impress the others from your church group that you supposedly care?" I refrained, even when extremely difficult. I was there for one purpose: to serve others, not to straighten out self-righteous church ladies.
"Children"
This time around there were significantly less children who walked through the doors (could be good, could be not so good). Every time I see a child or even a teenager walk through the doors, my heart stops for a moment and I feel overwhelming sadness and anger. It may be idealistic, it may not be rooted in logic, but my opinion is that NO child deserves to go hungry or be homeless. Children don't get to choose the life and the families they are born into, adults make and made choices that affect their children. Bottom line: I want to hug and rescue and bestow all my knowledge and teachings and lessons and compassion on these youngsters each time I see them. These children motivate me to stay the course, get my CO teaching license and find a way to inspire and make real change for homeless, low-income, and disabled families with young children. I firmly believe that education is the key to helping society resolve some of its most pressing issues. We are only as strong, as a country, as our educated youth. The will take our experiences, their own life lessons, and make this world a better place if we teach them about real issues and teach with rigor and compassion.
"Workers," the "appreciative," and the "bitter" are coming in part two.
Ciao! love , hugs, miss youuuu
Today I (well Monday, to be honest) saw the many faces of the Soup Kitchen attendees. For the sake of time and organization, I'm going to focus / share only a few of the many.
"Church Ladies"
While within this group, if you will, there are many different types of people (and I am in no way type-casting women who go to church, merely talking about the ones I met) I met a particularly interesting brand. D and F were two women who had the "bussing/ helping people through the line" job as me and they had come to volunteer as a part of their church community. D and F had different work (or lack thereof,) ethics but the thing they shared in common was self-rigtheousness. Every time someone forgot to say thank you or please, I heard about how "ungrateful these people were." Other times I heard "No wonder they can get a job and are on the streets." Thankfully no one other than me heard these comments made in hushed tones.
Due to the fact that I did not know these women and I might run into them again while volunteering, I opted to simply nod and try to look interested. I never once concurred or returned with a comment. If I had done so I probably would have said something along the lines of "are you kidding me? What makes you think you know the back story, the real nitty gritty details, of each person who walks through here? You know they are here because they are poverty-stricken and that is the only thing you actually KNOW about them. You do not know if 1. they are having a rough day 2. if they are ill or their children are 3. the last time they spoke to or saw relatives. And, you, my Christian friend, dare to judge another so harshly after one encounter? Why are you here? To help others or to impress the others from your church group that you supposedly care?" I refrained, even when extremely difficult. I was there for one purpose: to serve others, not to straighten out self-righteous church ladies.
"Children"
This time around there were significantly less children who walked through the doors (could be good, could be not so good). Every time I see a child or even a teenager walk through the doors, my heart stops for a moment and I feel overwhelming sadness and anger. It may be idealistic, it may not be rooted in logic, but my opinion is that NO child deserves to go hungry or be homeless. Children don't get to choose the life and the families they are born into, adults make and made choices that affect their children. Bottom line: I want to hug and rescue and bestow all my knowledge and teachings and lessons and compassion on these youngsters each time I see them. These children motivate me to stay the course, get my CO teaching license and find a way to inspire and make real change for homeless, low-income, and disabled families with young children. I firmly believe that education is the key to helping society resolve some of its most pressing issues. We are only as strong, as a country, as our educated youth. The will take our experiences, their own life lessons, and make this world a better place if we teach them about real issues and teach with rigor and compassion.
"Workers," the "appreciative," and the "bitter" are coming in part two.
Ciao! love , hugs, miss youuuu
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Update: Lots of little, big things!
Dear Mom,
Today I am giving you an overdue update on a lot of little, big things going on.
1. As of today, I have stuck to and been extremely surprised at my happiness with a new nutrition plan. Yes, "nutrition plan" is what I am calling it because the word "diet" I associate with past failures and it also, generally speaking, stirs up negative emotions and connotations. Its really easy and that is perhaps what I love most about it! "Protein, Produce, Water" as my trainer said to summarize it one day and that phrase has stuck...unlike those pesky pounds! Lean meats, green and high nutrient veggies and lots of water (and my morning cup of black coffee) has been doing the trick. And, guess what?! I can eat as much as I need! Last night I wasn't so hungry but the night prior I had 4 oz of lean beef strips with steamed green beans and I was 1. full / content 2. happy to eat yummy foods 3. still following the "protein, produce, water" rule!
2. Strength Training is my newest love affair! If you've been doing cardio to loose weight or tone up. STOP. Do some research...if the screen is too bright or over the top and has an eerie infomercial feel...you're being sold an idea. Try focusing on strength training (not bulking up...relax) as your first priority at home or in the gym and you'll see and feel the results I've experienced. (Good ones, aside from first few days of soreness)
3. I'm volunteering at the Soup Kitchen next week (tried for today and Friday, but they had plenty of help already scheduled) on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Will report back on different managing styles, regulars, and anything else that unexpectedly stuns me again.
4. I really want to start my own small business. I've been doing some prelim research and I've signed up for a few free seminars for new start-ups. Keeping ideas to myself for the moment, not out of secrecy, but because they keep changing and i want to share something solid with you! Cerrita is hugely supportive and while I should have expected that, she always loves my "I want to end world hunger" type ideas, I was surprised. I think mostly because people generally are hesitant at the start of a business to support and endorse, but more than happy to support and endorse once the business is up and running rather successfully.
5. I miss NH and I miss my college friends a lot lately. I am doing so well that I think I miss everyone whom I've usually shared my joys and falls with in a general sense. So, hold me to these plans...well, kind of, $$ is a factor. 1. I want to see Liz and Trav in Portland / see the Pacific ocean by the end of Spring. 2. I want to head back to Marvell, Arkansas (where I taught) to see my students young and old, and my fellow staff one more time before the end of the school year 3. I want to show and share NH in the summer (before August, the humid, ouch! I'm stuck to my own skin month) with Cerrita...and she needs to see Boston and the Atlantic!
I miss you. I love you. Keep a watch over me.
All kinds of love!
Ashley
Today I am giving you an overdue update on a lot of little, big things going on.
1. As of today, I have stuck to and been extremely surprised at my happiness with a new nutrition plan. Yes, "nutrition plan" is what I am calling it because the word "diet" I associate with past failures and it also, generally speaking, stirs up negative emotions and connotations. Its really easy and that is perhaps what I love most about it! "Protein, Produce, Water" as my trainer said to summarize it one day and that phrase has stuck...unlike those pesky pounds! Lean meats, green and high nutrient veggies and lots of water (and my morning cup of black coffee) has been doing the trick. And, guess what?! I can eat as much as I need! Last night I wasn't so hungry but the night prior I had 4 oz of lean beef strips with steamed green beans and I was 1. full / content 2. happy to eat yummy foods 3. still following the "protein, produce, water" rule!
2. Strength Training is my newest love affair! If you've been doing cardio to loose weight or tone up. STOP. Do some research...if the screen is too bright or over the top and has an eerie infomercial feel...you're being sold an idea. Try focusing on strength training (not bulking up...relax) as your first priority at home or in the gym and you'll see and feel the results I've experienced. (Good ones, aside from first few days of soreness)
3. I'm volunteering at the Soup Kitchen next week (tried for today and Friday, but they had plenty of help already scheduled) on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Will report back on different managing styles, regulars, and anything else that unexpectedly stuns me again.
4. I really want to start my own small business. I've been doing some prelim research and I've signed up for a few free seminars for new start-ups. Keeping ideas to myself for the moment, not out of secrecy, but because they keep changing and i want to share something solid with you! Cerrita is hugely supportive and while I should have expected that, she always loves my "I want to end world hunger" type ideas, I was surprised. I think mostly because people generally are hesitant at the start of a business to support and endorse, but more than happy to support and endorse once the business is up and running rather successfully.
5. I miss NH and I miss my college friends a lot lately. I am doing so well that I think I miss everyone whom I've usually shared my joys and falls with in a general sense. So, hold me to these plans...well, kind of, $$ is a factor. 1. I want to see Liz and Trav in Portland / see the Pacific ocean by the end of Spring. 2. I want to head back to Marvell, Arkansas (where I taught) to see my students young and old, and my fellow staff one more time before the end of the school year 3. I want to show and share NH in the summer (before August, the humid, ouch! I'm stuck to my own skin month) with Cerrita...and she needs to see Boston and the Atlantic!
I miss you. I love you. Keep a watch over me.
All kinds of love!
Ashley
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Yesterday, I learned that every thing / one deserves a second look.
Dear Mom,
Yesterday, I learned that every thing and every person in my life often requires and deserves a second look. In my relationship, at the present, there is a bit of an underlying rough patch and in this rarest of cases...other "parties" are involved. Operating in my usual survival mode, I cut everyone out of my little "steel box" of a heart and holed up emotionally. For whatever reason, I decided to take a second and third look at ALL parties involved in this current rough patch and considered a few things: why they were involved? should they be involved? and how did I feel, not how should I feel, about the fact that my relationship rough patch has been impacted by people outside of the relationship. This surprisingly liberating thinking and self-awareness spree lead me to a healthy state of mind and a healthy emotional place as well.
Yesterday, I learned that if I do not take care of me, I cannot take care of, or attempt to take care of, the world and the people in it. I am often worrying about and helping even catering to others. I haven't been in in tip-top shape (have had this cold for a while...mostly limited chest congestion now though, its on its way out!) and that coupled with my emotional rocky road has left me, on the inside, in less than stellar condition. During my morning workout at bootcamp I had to simply let go and give into my own needs to heal. I went home took vitamins, medicine, and a nap. I then went about my day, per usual and landed on my thinking spree. Today has been a much better, more fulfilling, productive and brighter day. I've learned my lesson. I hope...
I miss you. I love you. Keep watch over me!
Love
Ashley
Yesterday, I learned that every thing and every person in my life often requires and deserves a second look. In my relationship, at the present, there is a bit of an underlying rough patch and in this rarest of cases...other "parties" are involved. Operating in my usual survival mode, I cut everyone out of my little "steel box" of a heart and holed up emotionally. For whatever reason, I decided to take a second and third look at ALL parties involved in this current rough patch and considered a few things: why they were involved? should they be involved? and how did I feel, not how should I feel, about the fact that my relationship rough patch has been impacted by people outside of the relationship. This surprisingly liberating thinking and self-awareness spree lead me to a healthy state of mind and a healthy emotional place as well.
Yesterday, I learned that if I do not take care of me, I cannot take care of, or attempt to take care of, the world and the people in it. I am often worrying about and helping even catering to others. I haven't been in in tip-top shape (have had this cold for a while...mostly limited chest congestion now though, its on its way out!) and that coupled with my emotional rocky road has left me, on the inside, in less than stellar condition. During my morning workout at bootcamp I had to simply let go and give into my own needs to heal. I went home took vitamins, medicine, and a nap. I then went about my day, per usual and landed on my thinking spree. Today has been a much better, more fulfilling, productive and brighter day. I've learned my lesson. I hope...
I miss you. I love you. Keep watch over me!
Love
Ashley
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I am going to "Rock My Jeans"
Dear Mom,
Today I went to the first meeting for the "Rock Your Jeans Challenge" at the fitness bootcamp I've now been attending for 1 month. The program is for 8 weeks and is created to help participants loose 2 Jeans sizes! Strict nutrition, fun constantly changing workouts, and a group atmosphere have me very excited and poised for success. I'll be sure to update with stats. I started at 208 a month ago and now I'm 197.0 and 32 cm smaller overall. I'd happily shed in inches / centimeters and loose weight slowly. I'm very happy with this decision!
I miss you. I love you. Wish me luck and be that supportive voice in my head!
Love,
Ashley
Today I went to the first meeting for the "Rock Your Jeans Challenge" at the fitness bootcamp I've now been attending for 1 month. The program is for 8 weeks and is created to help participants loose 2 Jeans sizes! Strict nutrition, fun constantly changing workouts, and a group atmosphere have me very excited and poised for success. I'll be sure to update with stats. I started at 208 a month ago and now I'm 197.0 and 32 cm smaller overall. I'd happily shed in inches / centimeters and loose weight slowly. I'm very happy with this decision!
I miss you. I love you. Wish me luck and be that supportive voice in my head!
Love,
Ashley
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
An Odd Moment of Clarity and Peace.
Dear Mom,
Today I had an odd moment of peace and clarity while in the shower, where most of my "epiphanies" are born, and I wanted to share it with you because, well, it is directly related to you. Instead of skirting around this, I'll be short, concise, and simple.
I realized that I am in a place in my life that I always, somehow as a child, knew I was going to be. I always wanted to live in the mountains. I always wanted to be in a relationship that "felt like home" and was truly unconditional. I always wanted to be this happy and this proud of myself. I realized that while loosing you will forever remain the single most difficult thing I've ever had to cope (and am still coping) with in my life; loosing you helped me choose, from a very early age, what kind of person I wanted to be. I chose to be independent, strong, true to myself without compromise, and full of secret deep compassion for the world and everything that lives on it. I am not entirely sure, in fact, to be honest, I am fairly confident that I would not be so confident, self-aware, strong, or level-headed had you been in my life while I was growing up. Now, please...of course I wish I had you there every single day, but in your physical absence, I learned (and apparently turned out like you) even more because I always tuned in to my intuition, my memories, and the lessons I learned with you by my side. You've always been with me, and I hope I'm still with you. I like who I've grown to be and where I'm heading in this life (because I've accumulated all of the traits listed in your absence) and I hope you do too. Not knowing for sure will forever suck.
My clarity and my peace are simply this: Mom, alive or not you were, and are, everything I ever needed. This, while extremely difficult, was meant to be. One day I'll find out if I made you proud.
I miss you. I love you.
Love,
Ashley
Today I had an odd moment of peace and clarity while in the shower, where most of my "epiphanies" are born, and I wanted to share it with you because, well, it is directly related to you. Instead of skirting around this, I'll be short, concise, and simple.
I realized that I am in a place in my life that I always, somehow as a child, knew I was going to be. I always wanted to live in the mountains. I always wanted to be in a relationship that "felt like home" and was truly unconditional. I always wanted to be this happy and this proud of myself. I realized that while loosing you will forever remain the single most difficult thing I've ever had to cope (and am still coping) with in my life; loosing you helped me choose, from a very early age, what kind of person I wanted to be. I chose to be independent, strong, true to myself without compromise, and full of secret deep compassion for the world and everything that lives on it. I am not entirely sure, in fact, to be honest, I am fairly confident that I would not be so confident, self-aware, strong, or level-headed had you been in my life while I was growing up. Now, please...of course I wish I had you there every single day, but in your physical absence, I learned (and apparently turned out like you) even more because I always tuned in to my intuition, my memories, and the lessons I learned with you by my side. You've always been with me, and I hope I'm still with you. I like who I've grown to be and where I'm heading in this life (because I've accumulated all of the traits listed in your absence) and I hope you do too. Not knowing for sure will forever suck.
My clarity and my peace are simply this: Mom, alive or not you were, and are, everything I ever needed. This, while extremely difficult, was meant to be. One day I'll find out if I made you proud.
I miss you. I love you.
Love,
Ashley
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