Dear Mom,
Today, well...actually today and this week hasn't been the best, but it is simply job stress and this all too intense lunar cycle. Call me a hippie, new age, whatever you want...but I've noticed that I am highly "weepy" on full moons. Anyway, focus! Today I wanted to tell you about my experience so far in my new and AWESOME home in Denver, Colorado!
In no particular order whatsoever: Yoga, People / Culture, Shitty non- New England born drivers, Adventures!
I've fallen madly in love, Momma. I am in and in deep with yoga. I honestly never thought I'd love an activity / sport as much as I love figure skating (thanks for getting me started by the way). Yoga, like skating puts an emphasis on power, grace, strength, endurance, beauty, and self-exploration. I also enjoy the added emotional and spiritual aspect of my time in yoga. It suits my age, my personal growth trajectory, and my body is looking pretty good lately. I've been going to the classes offered as a part of my gym membership. Some may not think this is the "purest" or the way yoga "should be" experienced, but may i politely say...uh you're an idiot, and a hypocritical one at that because yoga is about the self and getting to know it while it succeeds and struggles physically and emotionally. Nothing else. Location is not important = hippies, and maybe me this summer, doing yoga in, on, under anything and everything. Nonetheless, I am loving my classes and go about 3 times a week now. Denver is a very fit town and I kind of fell into yoga one night while being "lazy" at the gym...now i'm more toned, happier, and following where this new exciting and rewarding pursuit takes me.
Denver has some of the shittiest drivers I've encountered. No. The most lackadaisical. Free spirits behind the wheel need to seriously learn how to read a traffic flow. Only in Denver have I learned that 1. passing happens more often than not in the right lane 2. no one moves to the other lane at a stop light...so often I'll see a line of 10 cars in the right lane and ZERO in the left lane. FOR NO REASON. hahaha oh they make me giggle. Then it "snows" and they freak. It is kind of cute and sad all at once. Denver gets lots of snow. The secret...shh don't tell 'em I gave it away...is that it always melts within the same week. ALWAYS! The mountains aren't to be played with, but Denver...oh Denver.
"ho fuoco nelle mie vene" will probably be incorporated in my next (non cover up) tattoo. I heard and read it a lot while living in Florence, and it means "I have fire in my veins." Denver has turned my sense of adventure to a steady 8-9 and lots of peaks to 10. I regularly take a different way home to learn new streets and neighborhoods, I have danced and drank with complete and very friendly strangers, I've joined a social group that meets up to drink at local breweries, I've been to a live music show featuring local bands, I've meet some really fascinating people, some friendly people, some very people with a very high status in government / business, I've attended a large public concert and fell in love with strangers for the night and danced with them simply because...so many more too! I'm not sure why Denver has sparked this in me to such a degree...perhaps I'm just high from all the oxygen at this altitude. hahaha ;)
I also really love that the Denver culture means: I no longer get looks for bring my own tote bags to the grocery store. There are plenty of sober options for a night out on the town. Free doesn't mean town meeting with stale doughnuts and decaf coffee. I love that I see at least a dozen walkers, runners, cyclist a day, no matter the weather. There are beautiful parks everywhere, and they are used and loved and taken care of by all. Recycling is almost a cult here. Good food is easy to find, and the quality as well as flavor profile is always impressive.
Denver is definitely going to be my roost for a few more years. I don't feel "good at" this city yet, and I like that I'm not bored. Everyday still feels fresh, new, lively, and filled with potential adventures.
I miss you terribly lately. I'll love you always.
-Me
P.S. thoughts on weaving some gorgeous flowers in and out of my back tattoo of your name?! It is pretty but I'm feeling like a bit more couldn't hurt...well not literally ;)
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Continued...
My own strength has impressed me recently in the face of the seemingly never ending aftermath of the worst breakup of all time. I would honestly, love to do and say a number of things about her...but for the sake of trying to maintain some grace and also not being arrested, I will say that Cerrita did plenty of damage. I'm recovering, most of it is "on paper" things like bills and whatnot, but the rest...eh, I really feel like I have the tools and the support and the right frame of mind to see her and see myself...and grow. In this life I've become good at getting the shit kicked out of me and getting the fuck back up...why? Because I'm Ashley. I'm not craving a pity party, I'm stating facts. I am not a quitter, I am smart, I am creative and I am damn fucking determined to not let ANYONE bring me down. And, that includes me...
Which leads me finally to #3. On thursday evening I was watching something on hulu after work. I couldn't sleep so naturally I made tea, played mahjong while listening to some mellow music and then...instead of falling asleep, that inner and outer peace had be burst into tears. I have no idea how, who, what, when, where, or why this happened but it did. I cried and realized I had to listen to it. As I listened deeply to understand where this pain was being released from I was given both an answer and huge personal epiphany. I have a major abandonment issue. I cling a little more to love, relationships, and friends than I should (whether they know it or not is separate, I just cling within my own emotions) and it is because of the little girl inside me. The little girl inside me doesn't understand the pain, the illness, the struggle, and whole package of events and factors that lead to my mother committing suicide. The little girl only understands and feels that she loved someone so dearly and then she was left alone without her. Adult Ashley knows and understands and accepts all of these things, but hasn't yet taken time to help little Ashley heal and understand all of the hurt on a more basic, but deeply ingrained level. Little Ashley would have had a bad mother around everyday if she could, than have had an amazing mother for only a few years. So, she clings to everyone, everything that she loves for fear of feeling that abandonment deep in her little heart again. Adult Ashley now has to make sure she keeps taking steps to acknowledge little Ashley's pain, although "old" still valid, and make sure that she makes choices that are smart and not just emotional / fearful.
When I finally sorted this out, I realized that I am so fucking strong and this is a huge empowering realization. I need to use this to help me be the best me and grow and be aware as much as possible. But every night when I go to sleep, I now know that I am not an abandoned little girl, I felt like one, I don't have to put up with bullshit just because I'm afraid to loose out and feel abandoned, I am strong, self-aware, and constantly striving to be a valuable, compassionate (with myself and others), fierce member of this world.
My own strength has impressed me recently in the face of the seemingly never ending aftermath of the worst breakup of all time. I would honestly, love to do and say a number of things about her...but for the sake of trying to maintain some grace and also not being arrested, I will say that Cerrita did plenty of damage. I'm recovering, most of it is "on paper" things like bills and whatnot, but the rest...eh, I really feel like I have the tools and the support and the right frame of mind to see her and see myself...and grow. In this life I've become good at getting the shit kicked out of me and getting the fuck back up...why? Because I'm Ashley. I'm not craving a pity party, I'm stating facts. I am not a quitter, I am smart, I am creative and I am damn fucking determined to not let ANYONE bring me down. And, that includes me...
Which leads me finally to #3. On thursday evening I was watching something on hulu after work. I couldn't sleep so naturally I made tea, played mahjong while listening to some mellow music and then...instead of falling asleep, that inner and outer peace had be burst into tears. I have no idea how, who, what, when, where, or why this happened but it did. I cried and realized I had to listen to it. As I listened deeply to understand where this pain was being released from I was given both an answer and huge personal epiphany. I have a major abandonment issue. I cling a little more to love, relationships, and friends than I should (whether they know it or not is separate, I just cling within my own emotions) and it is because of the little girl inside me. The little girl inside me doesn't understand the pain, the illness, the struggle, and whole package of events and factors that lead to my mother committing suicide. The little girl only understands and feels that she loved someone so dearly and then she was left alone without her. Adult Ashley knows and understands and accepts all of these things, but hasn't yet taken time to help little Ashley heal and understand all of the hurt on a more basic, but deeply ingrained level. Little Ashley would have had a bad mother around everyday if she could, than have had an amazing mother for only a few years. So, she clings to everyone, everything that she loves for fear of feeling that abandonment deep in her little heart again. Adult Ashley now has to make sure she keeps taking steps to acknowledge little Ashley's pain, although "old" still valid, and make sure that she makes choices that are smart and not just emotional / fearful.
When I finally sorted this out, I realized that I am so fucking strong and this is a huge empowering realization. I need to use this to help me be the best me and grow and be aware as much as possible. But every night when I go to sleep, I now know that I am not an abandoned little girl, I felt like one, I don't have to put up with bullshit just because I'm afraid to loose out and feel abandoned, I am strong, self-aware, and constantly striving to be a valuable, compassionate (with myself and others), fierce member of this world.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Now onto some of the heavier, but just as important stuff. Fair warning, if you don't know me well or care to, please stop reading now. I am not ashamed and I am not afraid. This is me and I'm sharing the conversations I have with my deceased mother often, just now y'all get to join in.
#1 "My own strength" and #3 "Abandonment really segue into one another.
I've been living and working in Denver (Denver area) since mid June of this year. I purposely elected to live in a one bedroom apartment. I have always felt that it is important for everyone, able to, to live alone. Man...i was even more right on the nose with that gut feeling than I expected. I've learned so much about myself, especially my own strength. I now know that I have no irrational fear of seeing a movie alone. If I want to see a movie, I will go see a damn movie. I've learned that I am quite good at cooking for one, growing my own herbs (which are now frozen and ready for my next slow cooker meal!), and I'm actually pretty good at being an adult and keeping up with responsibilities in a natural way. I thoroughly enjoy being alone when I want to be and I really like, although not always, what being "alone" has afforded me. Me time...and lots of it.
In addition to growing comfortable with and accepting of the life i've created for myself in Denver, I've had to do some serious thinking regarding a number of things. First, let's chat about Parker. I love that fur ball as if he were a part of my family. However, I've learned that love doesn't always look and feel like love "is supposed to" for lack of a better description. I am madly in love with my job and cannot and will not quit. The job had me working / out of the house for a minimum of 9 hours each day. Parker is a small dog, a young dog, alone in a one person apartment. I finally choose him and his needs over mine and gave him to Cerrita. He lived with her AND me and she knows his quirks and will take care of him despite our falling out. Parker came into my life at a strange point and he was unplanned, spontaneous and admittedly a bit irresponsible of an undertaking. Although I still get sad, I am happy and proud of my ability to love him so much that she gets what he needs (someone with more time, other dogs, and social interaction ability / availability) even if it means I loose out on raising him. He is a good little dog and one day when I have time I will responsibly own a dog, hopefully with a similar disposition.
#1 "My own strength" and #3 "Abandonment really segue into one another.
I've been living and working in Denver (Denver area) since mid June of this year. I purposely elected to live in a one bedroom apartment. I have always felt that it is important for everyone, able to, to live alone. Man...i was even more right on the nose with that gut feeling than I expected. I've learned so much about myself, especially my own strength. I now know that I have no irrational fear of seeing a movie alone. If I want to see a movie, I will go see a damn movie. I've learned that I am quite good at cooking for one, growing my own herbs (which are now frozen and ready for my next slow cooker meal!), and I'm actually pretty good at being an adult and keeping up with responsibilities in a natural way. I thoroughly enjoy being alone when I want to be and I really like, although not always, what being "alone" has afforded me. Me time...and lots of it.
In addition to growing comfortable with and accepting of the life i've created for myself in Denver, I've had to do some serious thinking regarding a number of things. First, let's chat about Parker. I love that fur ball as if he were a part of my family. However, I've learned that love doesn't always look and feel like love "is supposed to" for lack of a better description. I am madly in love with my job and cannot and will not quit. The job had me working / out of the house for a minimum of 9 hours each day. Parker is a small dog, a young dog, alone in a one person apartment. I finally choose him and his needs over mine and gave him to Cerrita. He lived with her AND me and she knows his quirks and will take care of him despite our falling out. Parker came into my life at a strange point and he was unplanned, spontaneous and admittedly a bit irresponsible of an undertaking. Although I still get sad, I am happy and proud of my ability to love him so much that she gets what he needs (someone with more time, other dogs, and social interaction ability / availability) even if it means I loose out on raising him. He is a good little dog and one day when I have time I will responsibly own a dog, hopefully with a similar disposition.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Ok....next installation will focus on # 2
Before, landing my new job I wasn't in the prettiest of places. I will admit that I made some bad choices and put myself in a position that was not that great. I've now learned that "you don't have a job until you'd signed the I-9" will forever be my mantra when job hopping / searching. As you can probably tell, i was jobless prematurely and found myself scrambling. I am not a quitter. I worked my ass off trying to find a new job and I did...however, it took a while. During the "while" period, I called a close friend or two and cried and vented and felt ashamed, but then I felt strong, brave, wiser, and loved. My friends that I was living with gave me emotional support and cheered me on and commiserated when interviews fell flat. I have a few VERY true, amazing, loving, supportive, intuitive friends out here in this lovely new state. Without the support of these friends I would have undoubtedly survived...but would have been a blubbering mess every moment I wasn't "faking it to make it" at work / interviews. These people have helped me realize that the value of good friends and just plain quality people in your life is not measurable. Value is the wrong word, in fact, importance feels better here. The importance of these kinds of rare gems in my life is of the utmost.
I try to be the best person and the best friend I can be in return. I cannot give much, but a true, honest, compassionate heart goes a long way sometimes! I am thankful for my friends on the East Coast that I can call, talk to for an hour, and feel like its been 5 minutes since we last saw each other /spoke. I am SO very gratful that my sister is a friend and I can call and cry to, laugh with, vent, scream, or be scared in front of any time life requires it. My college friends and my TFA friends are still some of my favorite people to catch up with and share memories and updates with, but these people here in Colorado have earned a permanent place in my heart and in my life...good luck getting rid of me :) I'm going to love y'all to bits forever!
I've noticed through the years that many people like to say "friends are family" or "my family is my group of friends" or something along those lines. I beg to differ. My friends are not more important than family, but definitely different. They are highly important, privy to some serious skeletons and secrets, loving beyond measure, often unconditionally, and still a challenge in the best of ways. The Greeks were right, three kinds of separate, different, and important loves and all are equal. The love of friends and love for friends is something I've been graced with throughout my life, but recently I am especially thankful for these Coloradans!
Before, landing my new job I wasn't in the prettiest of places. I will admit that I made some bad choices and put myself in a position that was not that great. I've now learned that "you don't have a job until you'd signed the I-9" will forever be my mantra when job hopping / searching. As you can probably tell, i was jobless prematurely and found myself scrambling. I am not a quitter. I worked my ass off trying to find a new job and I did...however, it took a while. During the "while" period, I called a close friend or two and cried and vented and felt ashamed, but then I felt strong, brave, wiser, and loved. My friends that I was living with gave me emotional support and cheered me on and commiserated when interviews fell flat. I have a few VERY true, amazing, loving, supportive, intuitive friends out here in this lovely new state. Without the support of these friends I would have undoubtedly survived...but would have been a blubbering mess every moment I wasn't "faking it to make it" at work / interviews. These people have helped me realize that the value of good friends and just plain quality people in your life is not measurable. Value is the wrong word, in fact, importance feels better here. The importance of these kinds of rare gems in my life is of the utmost.
I try to be the best person and the best friend I can be in return. I cannot give much, but a true, honest, compassionate heart goes a long way sometimes! I am thankful for my friends on the East Coast that I can call, talk to for an hour, and feel like its been 5 minutes since we last saw each other /spoke. I am SO very gratful that my sister is a friend and I can call and cry to, laugh with, vent, scream, or be scared in front of any time life requires it. My college friends and my TFA friends are still some of my favorite people to catch up with and share memories and updates with, but these people here in Colorado have earned a permanent place in my heart and in my life...good luck getting rid of me :) I'm going to love y'all to bits forever!
I've noticed through the years that many people like to say "friends are family" or "my family is my group of friends" or something along those lines. I beg to differ. My friends are not more important than family, but definitely different. They are highly important, privy to some serious skeletons and secrets, loving beyond measure, often unconditionally, and still a challenge in the best of ways. The Greeks were right, three kinds of separate, different, and important loves and all are equal. The love of friends and love for friends is something I've been graced with throughout my life, but recently I am especially thankful for these Coloradans!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
New City, New Lessons, New Outlook
Dear Mom,
Today I...well, today I want to do several things but I think I'll only skim the surface to give myself a framework to work from. I don't want to miss a thing and there is quite a lot I need to catch you up on in my life.
I've learned a lot since I last wrote (even though we speak more often than I write, I feel better covering it all for good measure) and here is my little self organizing list / teaser in no particular order.
1. My own strength
2. The value of good friends / quality people
3. Abandonment
4. My professional self
5. Bravery
I'm going to start with #4...
I absolutely love my job at Il Vicino. It is not my dream job, but it makes me very happy and I feel good going to and leaving from work each an every day. That in itself is a very impressive, important, and rare thing (at least for me in recent years) and I cherish this fact.
I have an amazing set of co managers and together we are all constantly striving to do better, help each other catch minor mistakes and do even better again, and keep the restaurant a thriving, prosperous, fun place to be and work. The level of friendship and professionalism that is always present astounds me when i sit back and think about it. I trust these women, I admire these women, and I'm happy to work with them. I am getting better as a manager and as a professional each week that passes. Additionally, I really love the fact that the owners are so involved. I know 2 of the three and have had meaningful conversations with them. They are real people, with real passion, and a real vision that they've realized and keep pushing forward for bigger and better new horizons. I can't wait to be that to my set of managers and staff one day!
Since starting my post, I've also learned that I have a great capacity for putting people at ease in difficult situations. I'm not entirely sure where it comes from but I've noticed that I am able to see immediately to the root of problems and fix that, not the symptoms. At the end of the day people want to feel like they were important, cared about, and welcome...things should feel easy. When they don't = problems. Guest and staff...this is true of all. I've also learned that I still LOVE TO LEARN and am always asking and reading and trying things to make myself better. I want to streamline my skills, my thinking, my actions...everything! so that I look and feel as though I'm in control, calm, friendly, and assertive. Each day I really try to get better at something...I'm hoping to look back in January (after my first 6 months) and see a real trend of growth and development.
Next number, tomorrow evening!
Today I...well, today I want to do several things but I think I'll only skim the surface to give myself a framework to work from. I don't want to miss a thing and there is quite a lot I need to catch you up on in my life.
I've learned a lot since I last wrote (even though we speak more often than I write, I feel better covering it all for good measure) and here is my little self organizing list / teaser in no particular order.
1. My own strength
2. The value of good friends / quality people
3. Abandonment
4. My professional self
5. Bravery
I'm going to start with #4...
I absolutely love my job at Il Vicino. It is not my dream job, but it makes me very happy and I feel good going to and leaving from work each an every day. That in itself is a very impressive, important, and rare thing (at least for me in recent years) and I cherish this fact.
I have an amazing set of co managers and together we are all constantly striving to do better, help each other catch minor mistakes and do even better again, and keep the restaurant a thriving, prosperous, fun place to be and work. The level of friendship and professionalism that is always present astounds me when i sit back and think about it. I trust these women, I admire these women, and I'm happy to work with them. I am getting better as a manager and as a professional each week that passes. Additionally, I really love the fact that the owners are so involved. I know 2 of the three and have had meaningful conversations with them. They are real people, with real passion, and a real vision that they've realized and keep pushing forward for bigger and better new horizons. I can't wait to be that to my set of managers and staff one day!
Since starting my post, I've also learned that I have a great capacity for putting people at ease in difficult situations. I'm not entirely sure where it comes from but I've noticed that I am able to see immediately to the root of problems and fix that, not the symptoms. At the end of the day people want to feel like they were important, cared about, and welcome...things should feel easy. When they don't = problems. Guest and staff...this is true of all. I've also learned that I still LOVE TO LEARN and am always asking and reading and trying things to make myself better. I want to streamline my skills, my thinking, my actions...everything! so that I look and feel as though I'm in control, calm, friendly, and assertive. Each day I really try to get better at something...I'm hoping to look back in January (after my first 6 months) and see a real trend of growth and development.
Next number, tomorrow evening!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Dear Mom,
Today, I...am finally ready to write and share all that I need to with you. I've learned several hard lessons recently, but I'm thankful for them. Not jumping fo rjoy, due to the weariness that remains, but still my soul and heart are happy that I'm definitely heading on a path that feels right. I don't have to convince myself, let alone anyone else, that its the right one.
I've become excruciatingly self-aware of myself in a few respects. I recently (3 or so months ago) ended things with Cerrita. The relationship was becoming toxic to us both, but i can only speak for myself and will do just that. I wasn't the same me, I was a lesser quality version of myself, and I didn't even realize it for a while. I stopped being happy and was angry and frustrated and tired and loathing and uninterested far more than I had been earlier in the relationship. I knew something was off and wasn't easily fixable. I wasn't and still don't feel like I could be a quality half to anyone's whole...so I ended things. I now understand the true meaning of the hardest thing and the right thing are often one in the same.
During a few of the nastier arguments at the end of the road, I learned that no matter my own childhood experiences, no matter how hot my blood boils, no matter how fucking badly i want to slap the shit (or worse) out of anyone...when push literally comes to shove...i will rise above and not cave to brief temptations or weaknesses only to hate myself for breaking my values later. I'm quite proud of this, although frankly it SUCKS to have learned that I can count on my heart and head always being strong in such a shitty situation.
I'd like to note that Cerrita and I are finally in a place where we are friends and speak daily and are sharing Parker for the time being. Things are going well. I did love her, and genuinely, so i don't understand how i could treat her like I never cared and felt that for her at one time in my life. I've also never been able to honestly and genuinely do this with any of my other exes. i'm deeply sorry for this, but I'm also grateful that I've finally learned this lesson in my life's journey. I don't wish maliciousness or evil or anything but good, wholly and truly for Cerrita.
Switching gears a little bit...i've recently learned quite a bit about the value of doing a good fucking job everyday. Parker teaches me to laugh and be spontaneous and loving and carefree...but some of his and my own bad habits have surfaced! I need to be a better and firmer "pack leader" so his little smart self doesn't pull tricks or misbehave nearly as often as i've allowed him. I'm actively bettering my training skills and more importantly my consistency. He is a gem or a creature and is resistant, but is also responding so very well. He would for sure be an honor roll dog...just sayin!
Lastly, fun job updates!
I was hired at my job as a cashier and it was my second job at the time...they liked me, my work ethic and wanted me to work more hours for their restaurant...so began negotiations...momma didn't raise no fool! I quickly got a good deal out of them and worked my little tail off so that I was getting 40 hours a week. I put in my notice at my other job and committed to the restaurant (after all when i first moved here I thought about opening my own restaurant...that was my real business idea ;) and i am still thinking about a food cart/truck!) Back to my story! from cashier I became a FOH shift supervisor, and now I'm the catering Manager....BOOM HARD WORK ALWAYS WINS. There may be others more experienced in the restaurant industry, there may be others with catering experience...but I got the post because I care about 2 things and 2 things only. 1. THE CUSTOMER ALWAYS GETS THE EBST VERSION OF YOU AND YOUR PRODUCT...and do whatever you can to ensure that 100% of the time. and 2. EVERY MOMENT YOU'RE NOT WORKING HARD...YOUR COMPETITION IS...so always be giving your best. not THE best...YOUR best.
I love my catering post. It might turn into another promotion...it might not. I'm happy for the time being and i'm soaking in all teh experience and lessons and tips etc I can for my own gig one day!
i love and miss you like crazy. sorry we've only had brief hot tub chats recently. you're always in my heart and in my flesh (literally!) pushing me along and picking me up when I need it...backbone was so damn appropriate for that tattoo ;)
I LOVE YOU!
-Ashley
Today, I...am finally ready to write and share all that I need to with you. I've learned several hard lessons recently, but I'm thankful for them. Not jumping fo rjoy, due to the weariness that remains, but still my soul and heart are happy that I'm definitely heading on a path that feels right. I don't have to convince myself, let alone anyone else, that its the right one.
I've become excruciatingly self-aware of myself in a few respects. I recently (3 or so months ago) ended things with Cerrita. The relationship was becoming toxic to us both, but i can only speak for myself and will do just that. I wasn't the same me, I was a lesser quality version of myself, and I didn't even realize it for a while. I stopped being happy and was angry and frustrated and tired and loathing and uninterested far more than I had been earlier in the relationship. I knew something was off and wasn't easily fixable. I wasn't and still don't feel like I could be a quality half to anyone's whole...so I ended things. I now understand the true meaning of the hardest thing and the right thing are often one in the same.
During a few of the nastier arguments at the end of the road, I learned that no matter my own childhood experiences, no matter how hot my blood boils, no matter how fucking badly i want to slap the shit (or worse) out of anyone...when push literally comes to shove...i will rise above and not cave to brief temptations or weaknesses only to hate myself for breaking my values later. I'm quite proud of this, although frankly it SUCKS to have learned that I can count on my heart and head always being strong in such a shitty situation.
I'd like to note that Cerrita and I are finally in a place where we are friends and speak daily and are sharing Parker for the time being. Things are going well. I did love her, and genuinely, so i don't understand how i could treat her like I never cared and felt that for her at one time in my life. I've also never been able to honestly and genuinely do this with any of my other exes. i'm deeply sorry for this, but I'm also grateful that I've finally learned this lesson in my life's journey. I don't wish maliciousness or evil or anything but good, wholly and truly for Cerrita.
Switching gears a little bit...i've recently learned quite a bit about the value of doing a good fucking job everyday. Parker teaches me to laugh and be spontaneous and loving and carefree...but some of his and my own bad habits have surfaced! I need to be a better and firmer "pack leader" so his little smart self doesn't pull tricks or misbehave nearly as often as i've allowed him. I'm actively bettering my training skills and more importantly my consistency. He is a gem or a creature and is resistant, but is also responding so very well. He would for sure be an honor roll dog...just sayin!
Lastly, fun job updates!
I was hired at my job as a cashier and it was my second job at the time...they liked me, my work ethic and wanted me to work more hours for their restaurant...so began negotiations...momma didn't raise no fool! I quickly got a good deal out of them and worked my little tail off so that I was getting 40 hours a week. I put in my notice at my other job and committed to the restaurant (after all when i first moved here I thought about opening my own restaurant...that was my real business idea ;) and i am still thinking about a food cart/truck!) Back to my story! from cashier I became a FOH shift supervisor, and now I'm the catering Manager....BOOM HARD WORK ALWAYS WINS. There may be others more experienced in the restaurant industry, there may be others with catering experience...but I got the post because I care about 2 things and 2 things only. 1. THE CUSTOMER ALWAYS GETS THE EBST VERSION OF YOU AND YOUR PRODUCT...and do whatever you can to ensure that 100% of the time. and 2. EVERY MOMENT YOU'RE NOT WORKING HARD...YOUR COMPETITION IS...so always be giving your best. not THE best...YOUR best.
I love my catering post. It might turn into another promotion...it might not. I'm happy for the time being and i'm soaking in all teh experience and lessons and tips etc I can for my own gig one day!
i love and miss you like crazy. sorry we've only had brief hot tub chats recently. you're always in my heart and in my flesh (literally!) pushing me along and picking me up when I need it...backbone was so damn appropriate for that tattoo ;)
I LOVE YOU!
-Ashley
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